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Fantasy Game of Thrones: Season 8, Episode 3 rankings

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I AM NOT READY FOR THIS EPISODE!

HBO

The weekend is just about to start which means it’s time to pull out the tissues and get ready to cry because every character we’ve ever loved is about to die and I am not mentally prepared for it. It’s also time to set your lineup for the week.

For those who haven’t played, I’ve constructed this fantasy game in the style of DFS. Each episode you draft a new team of four or five characters (NO 3 PLAYER TEAMS!). Each character will have a price associated with them thus preventing the ability to create an all stacked lineup that’s sure to win you all the fantasy points. There are obviously plenty of ways to score points and I’ll be writing up a recap article Mondays breaking down each episode and tallying final fantasy scores.

If you want to play, just tweet to @FakeTeams with your team using #FantasyGoT or post it in the comments. Shoutout to RotoLando who took home the win last week thanks to a big showing from Euron.

Before we get into the scoring breakdown, I’ve made some changes for scoring this week so make sure you’ve read through the list carefully before picking your players. This is not the same way of scoring as episodes past:

Violence

5 killing random character
15 killing White Walker (the dude’s on the horses)
25 killing known character
50 personally killing a queen/king/Cersei
100 killing a dragon
200 killing Night King
x2 for everyone your character kills while they are dying
+5 for each time your character decapitates someone
+5 for each time your character kills using an unconventional weapon or in a dope ass way

Sex

5 bold pickup lines
10 have random sex
15 have sex with known character
-15 interrupted sex/foreplay
30 have sex with sibling/relative
50 consummating a budding romance
5 naked but no boobs or butt
10 naked with boobs and/or butt
30 full frontal
50 PENIS!!!!
+5 for each time your character makes the first move

Badassery

5 solid zinger/rebuttal
5 character drawing his/her sword in slow motion
5 breaking rules
5 staring at a character for longer than 3 seconds on screen
5 asking the tough question
-5 whining about something/being a dick
10 being formally introduced by third-party (+1 for every word after 10 words)
15 showing emotional vulnerability
20 discovering/revealing something BIIIIIIIIIIG
20 wearing faces
25 riding a dragon
30 throwing caution to the wind to avenge someone’s death/sacrificing yourself
-40 abandoning family/friends in need
50 killing from a top a dragon (this is not per kill, just a one-off 50 pts)
50 coming back from the dead, but not as a white (think Jon or Beric)
100 An “OH SHIT” moment (formally “spitting SUPAHOTFIRE”) Think Night King bringing Viserion back from the dead or Walder Frey orchestrating the Red Wedding
500 WINNING THE BLOODY GAME OF THRONES

Drinking

5 anytime character is eating and/or drinking in a scene
10 pass out drunk
-10 character not being able to hold their liquor
15 post-coital wine
+5 to any eating/drinking if it’s been their first meal in forever and they attack food and drink with starving ferocity

The players

Each team will be constructed of four or five players and you will have 12 points to build your team. Also, added bonus: with your lineup, pick one “3 point” character you’re certain is going to die this episode (extra +10 if you guess correctly).

6 points

  • The Night King

5 points

  • Daenerys Targaryen
  • Jon Snow

3 points

  • Jaime Lannister
  • Grey Worm
  • Arya Stark
  • The Hound
  • Brienne of Tarth
  • Gendry
  • Jorah Mormont
  • Podrick Payne
  • Eddison Tollett
  • Beric Dondarrion
  • Tormund Giantsbane
  • Theon Greyjoy
  • Brandon Stark
  • Ghost
  • Nymeria

2 points

  • Sansa Stark
  • Tyrion Lannister
  • Davos Seaworth
  • Lyanna Mormont
  • Samwell Tarly
  • Missandei
  • Varys
  • Yara Greyjoy
  • Gilly

1 point

  • Cersei Lannister
  • Euron Greyjoy
  • Bronn
  • The Mountain
  • Melisandre
  • Qyburn
  • Harrag
  • Ebrose
  • Alys Karstark
  • Hot Pie
  • Ned Umber HE DEAD
  • Edmure Tully

LET’S PLAY! Post your team in the comments or tweet it at me (@petemrogers) or @FakeTeams with #FantasyGoT. Happy Thrones-ing!