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Fantasy Game of Thrones: Season 8, Episode 1 rankings

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GET YOUR VALYRIAN STEEL, MAESTERS, DRAGONS AND INCEST BECAUSE WE BACK BABY!

Sunday April 14th marks the start of the final season of Game of Thrones but more importantly, it marks the start of Fantasy Game of Thrones here on Fake Teams.

That’s right, for all you degenerates out there who, like me, need more in life than just peacefully watching an event, and would rather have all kinds of self imposed stakes added onto it, you’ve come to the right place.

I started this up middle of last season with great success and big congrats to I believe Heath Capps who finished the season with the most fantasy points, but I’m not entirely sure. It’s been way too long between seasons to remember that much.

How to play

For those who’ve never played before, the game is easy. I’ve constructed this in the style of DFS. Each episode you draft a new team of five characters. Each character will have a price associated with them thus preventing the ability to create an all stacked lineup that’s sure to win you all the fantasy points. There are obviously plenty of ways to score points and I’ll be writing up a recap article Mondays breaking down each episode and tallying final fantasy scores. I know parts of our staff will be playing weekly and if you want to play, just tweet to me (@petemrogers) or to us at Fake Teams (@FakeTeams) with your team of five using the hashtag #FantasyGoT. You can also post your squad in the comments.

Here’s the scoring breakdown:

Violence

5 killing random character
15 killing White Walker
25 killing known character
50 destroy an army/sack a city
50 personally killing queen/king/that bitch Cersei
100 killing a dragon
200 killing Night King
+5 for each time your character decapitates someone
+5 for each time your character kills using an unconventional weapon

Sex

5 bold pickup lines
10 have random sex
15 have sex with known character
-15 interrupted sex/foreplay
30 have sex with sibling
50 consummating a budding romance (at this point we’re only really rooting for Tormund Giantsbane & Brienne of Tarth)
5 naked but no boobs or butt
10 naked with boobs and/or butt
30 full frontal
40 PENIS!!!!
+5 for each time your character makes the first move

Badassery

5 solid zinger (also known as “the Bronn”)
5 solid rebuttal
5 character drawing his/her sword in slow motion
5 breaking rules
-5 being a dick
-5 whining about something
10 being formally introduced by third-party (+1 for every word after 10 words)
15 showing emotional vulnerability
20 discovering/revealing something BIIIIIIIIIIG
20 wearing faces
25 riding a dragon
30 post-massacre speech
-40 abandoning family/friends in need
50 killing from a top a dragon (this is not per kill, just a one-off 50 pts)
50 coming back from the dead
75 spitting SUPAHOTFIRE (i.e. Queen of Thorns telling Jaime she killed Joffrey or the Night King bringing Viserion back from the dead)
500 WINNING THE BLOODY GAME OF THRONES

Drinking

5 anytime character is eating and/or drinking in a scene
10 pass out drunk
-10 character not being able to hold their liquor
15 post-coital wine
+5 to any eating/drinking if it’s been their first meal in forever and they attack food and drink with starving ferocity

If you have some additions to these rules that you think will heighten the game, send them my way. I can assure you that after half a season last year, you get some pretty wild scores with these rules.

The players

Like I said above, each team will be constructed of five players and you will have 12 points to build your team. I’ve assigned points to start based mainly just on name recognition because who knows what’s about to go down. Don’t worry, these rankings will change throughout the season.

5 points

  • Daenerys Targaryen
  • Jon Snow
  • Jaime Lannister
  • Cersei Lannister
  • Tyrion Lannister
  • The Night King

4 points

  • Sansa Stark
  • Arya Stark
  • Brandon Stark
  • The Mountain
  • The Hound
  • Brienne of Tarth

3 points

  • Bronn
  • Grey Worm
  • Theon Greyjoy
  • Gendry
  • Jorah Mormont
  • Davos Seaworth
  • Varys

2 points

  • Beric Dondarrion
  • Missandei
  • Tormund Giantsbane
  • Euron Greyjoy

1 point

  • Samwell Tarly
  • Gilly
  • Yara Greyjoy
  • Melisandre
  • Qyburn
  • Harrag
  • Ebrose
  • Lyanna Mormont
  • Alys Karstark
  • Eddison Tollett
  • Hot Pie
  • Podrick Payne
  • Ned Umber
  • Edmure Tully

I have no memory of who’s alive or dead so if I have someone on the list who’s dead, well, don’t pick them. Simple as that. Otherwise, LET’S PLAY! Post your team in the comments or tweet it at me (@petemrogers) or @FakeTeams.