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Fantasy Game of Thrones

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Because why not?

HBO/Pete Rogers

***SPOILER ALERT***

As I was watching Lady Olenna Tyrell chug poisoned wine with middle fingers to the sky, all while verbally castrating Jaime Lannister, the fantasy owner in me thought to himself, “Damn, I would have loved to have somehow predicted this epic exit and scored lots of points because of it.”

So here we are.

I know Season 7 is already almost halfway through but I live by the motto: Better late than never. Plus, if you watch the show, you know some serious shit is about to go down and that means there will be plenty of fantasy points to be won.

I’ve constructed this fantasy game in the style of DFS. Each episode you draft a new team of five characters. Each character will have a price associated with them thus preventing the ability to create an all stacked lineup that’s sure to win you all the fantasy points. There are obviously plenty of ways to score points and I’ll be writing up a recap article Mondays breaking down each episode and tallying final fantasy scores. I know parts of our staff will be playing weekly and if you want to play, just tweet to @FakeTeams with your team of five or post it in the comments. If we get a lot of people, I’ll even announce the winner of the week. Now that’s a reason to play right there!

With all that out of the way, let’s get to scoring:

Violence

5 killing random character
15 killing White Walker
25 killing known character
50 destroy an army/sack a city
50 personally killing queen/king
200 killing a dragon
300 killing Night King
+5 for each time your character decapitates someone
+5 for each time your character kills using an unconventional weapon

Sex

5 bold pickup lines
10 have random sex
15 have sex with known character
30 have sex with sibling
50 consummating a budding romance (i.e. John Snow & Daenerys or Tormund Giantsbane & Brienne of Tarth)
5 naked but no boobs or butt
10 naked with boobs and/or butt
30 full frontal
40 PENIS!!!!
-15 interrupted sex/foreplay
+5 for each time your character makes the first move

Badassery

5 solid zinger
5 solid rebuttal
5 character drawing his/her sword in slow motion
5 breaking rules
10 being formally introduced by third-party (+1 for every word after 10 words)
10 saying fewer than 20 words in an episode
15 showing emotional vulnerability
20 wearing faces
25 riding a dragon
30 post-massacre speech
50 killing from a top a dragon
50 come back from the dead
75 spitting SUPAHOTFIRE (i.e. Queen of Thorns telling Jaime she killed Joffrey)
-10 whining about something
-40 abandoning family/friends in need

Drinking

5 anytime character is eating and/or drinking in a scene
10 pass out drunk
-10 character not being able to hold their liquor
15 post-coital wine
+5 to any eating/drinking if it’s been their first meal in forever and they attack food and drink with starving ferocity

If you have some additions to these rules that you think will heighten the game, send them my way. I think rules should ever be evolving and I haven’t tested these out so we could either see just an INSANE amount of scoring, or no points at all. Though I’m feeling pretty save that everyone will score points at least via killing someone and/or drinking.

The Players

Like I said above, each team will be constructed of five players and you will have 12 points to build your team. I’ve assigned points to each character based on expected screen time and on how likely it is for them to score points in multiple categories. Here’s the breakdown:

5 points

  • Jaime Lannister
  • Cersei Lannister

4 points

  • Jon Snow
  • Daenerys Targaryen
  • Grey Worm
  • Arya Stark
  • Euron Greyjoy

3 points

  • Tyrion Lannister
  • Sansa Stark
  • Missandei
  • Davos Seaworth

2 points

  • Theon Greyjoy
  • The Hound
  • Tormund Giantsbane
  • Yara Greyjoy
  • Varys
  • Jorah Mormont
  • Bronn
  • Brienne of Tarth
  • Qyburn

1 point

  • Samwell Tarly
  • Petyr Baelish
  • The Mountain
  • Melisandre
  • The Night King
  • Gendry
  • Harrag
  • Ebrose
  • Lyanna Mormont
  • Alys Karstark
  • Beric Dondarrion
  • Randyll Tarly
  • Eddison Tollett
  • Gilly
  • Hot Pie
  • Podrick Payne
  • Meera Reed
  • Ned Umber
  • Edmure Tully

LET’S PLAY! Post your team in the comments or tweet it at me (@petemrogers) or @FakeTeams.