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Fantasy Game of Thrones: Season 7, Episode 5 “Eastwatch” scorecard

Gilly droppin bombs and droppin knowledge.

HBO

***SPOILER ALERT***

Sure this episode didn’t have any epic battle but it did have dragon fire and plenty of snarky comments. I forget how snarky everyone is in this show. It must be a requirement of Westeros to be quick witted and think of sick burns and comebacks right on the spot. I would totally not fit in. I’d be the guy who tries to stammer out a sweet comeback but ultimately it would just come out as “Yea...well...at least my parents are alive!” That would work for like half the characters in the show.

Here’s the episode scorecard so you can score how your team did. I’ve added some highlights, giving you a breakdown of some of the scoring. I also shared the teams that were tweeted our way so you can see how other teams stacked up against yours.

Start tallying your scores!

S7, E5 scorecard

CHARACTER VIOLENCE SEX BADASSERY DRINKING TOTAL
CHARACTER VIOLENCE SEX BADASSERY DRINKING TOTAL
Daenerys Targaryen 35 5 25 0 65
Gendry 20 0 10 0 30
Cersei Lannister 0 0 25 0 25
Davos Seaworth 0 5 15 0 20
Gilly 0 0 20 0 20
Jaime Lannister 0 0 15 0 15
Tyrion Lannister 0 0 10 5 15
Bronn 0 0 10 0 10
Tormund Giantsbane 0 0 10 0 10
Jon Snow 0 0 5 0 5
Arya Stark 0 0 5 0 5
Jorah Mormont 0 0 5 0 5
Varys 0 0 0 5 5
Samwell Tarly 0 0 5 0 5

Highlights

  • Dany again leads the episode in scoring simply because she rides her dragons everywhere, which is badass (+25). I was thinking she was going to put up even more points since she killed the Tarlys with fire but to get 50 points I clearly stated she needs to be riding the dragon. Still, she killed a known character (+25) and did it with an unconventional weapon (+5). Dany’s costing 6 points from now on.
  • I also had to give Dany +5 in the sex category for her pickup line at Jon Snow. When leaving Jon says “if I die you won’t have to worry about a king in the North” to which Danny replies, “I don’t know, I kinda like him” or something like that. Yea, they banging soon.
  • Also LOVE TRIANGLE!
HBO
  • Gendry makes his return to the Game of Thrones world in a BIG way. He not only takes out two guards with his warhammer (+10 for killing, +10 for warhammer), he also breaks Davos’ one rule of not telling Jon Snow who his father was (+5) and throws major shade at Snow’s height (+5). Welcome back sir! Also, while this episode I considered Gendry’s warhammer an unconventional weapon, it from now on will be a conventional weapon since that is the weapon Gendry uses. Makes sense.
  • Cersei gets all her points from on BIG reveal (+20): she’s pregnant. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT. Had to slightly change the rules for this as I had written them to say “discovering something BIIIIIIIIIIG” but I think “revealing something BIIIIIIIIIIIIG” falls in the same category. She also says some shizz to Jaime at some point (+5).
  • Jaime has kinda disappointed me since the start of this game. He hasn’t put together any major performances, though I guess he did do well last week. Still, 15 points this week for just word play? Come on dude.
  • Meanwhile, Davos is making a killing as a sleeper pick based purely off his wordplay. +15 for snarky comments, mostly directed at Tyrion and then I gave him a +5 sex for his casual fermented crab will give you a chainmail ripping erection line. Davos: Westeros’ greatest wingman.
  • And now we get to the sleeper of all sleepers this episode: Gilly. And it kills me that she is the pick and not Sam. I thought for sure Sam was going to reveal something BIG this episode but alas, it was Gilly who casually dropped that Prince Rhaegar had an annulment and married someone else in a secret ceremony in Dorne. Now, UBER SPOILER ALERT but what Gilly discovered is basically that Daenerys is Jon Snow’s aunt. Her brother Rhaegar—who was married to Elia, Oberyn’s sister—got an annulment to marry Lyanna Stark, Jon Snow’s mother and Ned Stark’s sister. The show breezed over it so quickly that I really didn’t have time to react or register it but DAMN MAN! A very well earned +20 to Gilly for that finding.
  • Also get hyped for next episode involving all the biggest badasses in Westeros fighting the army of the undead. YEEEEAAAAA BABY!!!
HBO

Results

  1. Heath Capps: 90 points (Dany, Jon, The Night King, Bran, Gilly)
    Becca Giles: 90 points (Daenerys, Cersei, Qyburn, The Night King, Melisandre)
  2. Fantasy Consultant: 75 points (Dany, Jon, Samwell, Littlefinger, Beric)
  3. Pete Rogers: 55 points (Cersei, Davos, Varys, the Hound, Samwell)
  4. Kyle Harden: 45 points (Jon, Tyrion, Tormund, Gilly, Bran)
  5. Syl Kaladin: 40 points (Arya, Jon, Euron, Gendry)
  6. MrFantasyKC: 25 points (Tyrion, Greyworm, Bronn, Brienne, Podrick)

Thanks everyone for playing and make sure to come back next week!