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Ranking each NFL team’s schedule release

Get ready for a lot of Game of Thrones knock-offs.

Pete Rogers Illustrations

The NFL schedule release is a manufactured holiday that’s sole purpose is to force the NFL back onto everyone’s timeline and into everyone’s bandwidth, hoping to drag you from the NBA and NHL playoffs and whatever else you’re doing with your nights in the middle of April. While the event itself is dumb and way overblown—at least in my humble, cynical opinion—it does actually lead to some rather good content put out by team social media accounts.

So I decided to rank that content!

Here are the definitive rankings of each NFL team’s schedule release. Let me know what your rankings would be in the comments.

32. San Francisco 49ers

I’m not even sure if this is their actual schedule release. It’s what’s pinned to the top of their twitter page. Better buy your tickets soon, I guess.

31. Dallas Cowboys

Hell no. Last thing I want in this world is Jerry Jones creepily whispering into my ears.

30. Cleveland Browns

The Browns are the darling of the NFL right now and this is the best they could come up with? I know they had a video of John Dorsey using old technology to print out the schedule but Browns, you’re the new bandwagon team of the NFL, you’re gonna need to step your game up.

29. Oakland Raiders

Not sure how I feel about the Raiders hyping up their 60 years of Oakland history just as the NFL’s tearing the team from the city.

28. Arizona Cardinals

Man I really wished they would’ve had a picture of Kyler Murray on this.

27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

This is cool I guess. Not really sure what to make of this video, but it’s at least something. Wait, does the video not embed????

26. Cincinnati Bengals

Borning. But at least they included a member of the football team on it.

25. Los Angeles Rams

Ya seen one, ya seen them all. (I will give bonus points to the Rams for their schedule release video with Eric Weddle, Aaron Donald and Johnny Hekker in the room. I’m not putting it here though because a) it’s long and b) it’s not really hyped as their release vid)

24. Miami Dolphins

At least the Dolphins added motion to their boring picture of the schedule. I see the tank job also applies to their social media team.

23. New Orleans Saints

The music’s great but creativity leaves a lot to be desired.

22. Kansas City Chiefs

I feel like the Chiefs have been celebrating their 60th season longer than Kobe celebrated his retirement tour. No one cares about your history Chiefs!

21. Philadelphia Eagles

Nothing like celebrities awkwardly telling you what games are being played when.

20. Chicago Bears

What takes this from a fine schedule release film to a good schedule release film is how expertly Matt Nagy delivers his line: “Alright, let’s go.” Dude should quit coaching and go into film.

19. Tennessee Titans

Oh Dolly... no.

18. Detroit Lions

I like the premise but it runs long. That being said, there are some good text exchanges, most importantly Kerryon Johnson—or at least texting Kerryon Johnson—not knowing where the Raiders are playing this year.

17. New York Giants

Nothing screams “WE’RE COOL TOO!” like having a celebrity read through your schedule. Did you know Tracy Morgan was a Giants fan? At least this is funny.

16. Washington

Get ready, Game of Thrones parodies are coming. Points for using the actual Game of Thrones music but big minus for just showing Washington D.C. being built rather than all the opposing stadiums. Tisk tisk.

15. Denver Broncos

Eh. Not terrible but this isn’t all that exciting. I also don’t play Madden Ultimate Team so the whole pack unveiling thing is not a situation I can relate to.

14. Pittsburgh Steelers

I obviously have a special place in my heart for anything Mr. Rogers related but I’m not a fan of the out of order schedule. It makes me think too much and have to piece the schedule together in my head. Not a fan.

13. Houston Texans

Another Game of Thrones themed schedule release. I like the animation here but, doing the games out of order seems weird to me. That being said, it’s nice after each division to show us the banners and week they’re playing.

12. Atlanta Falcons

I wish teams had talked with each other and decided to do only one Game of Thrones themed opening. Take this, add the Texan’s stadium building and the actually GoT music, and you’ve got a great video.

11. Seattle Seahawks

Here’s a fun drinking game that will get you toasted at 9:30 in the morning: drink everytime you hear “Go Hawks!”

10. Green Bay Packers

This is great on mute.

9. Minnesota Vikings

It is creative
Some of the poems are good
Others....maybe not

8. New England Patriots

Love it. Would’ve been even more impressive if the phrases they were saying were actually linked to the games that they were playing but that’s just being nitpicky.

7. New York Jets

I do love me some NFL Blitz. At first I thought the cuts to gameplay would make the video feel too long, but actually, I think it provided a nice break here and there. Well done.

6. Jacksonville Jaguars

It takes a while to get through, but this is pretty good. I especially like the cleaning up Saints’ fans tears towel. Nice touch.

5. Baltimore Ravens

Yes. 100% yes. As a schedule release this is fine: the schedule blows by and they jump around randomly giving you teams and matchups to watch. But as a pure piece of entertainment this is gold. The best line: “From the 19th century comes, Poe! The quarter story tall black bird.”

4. Buffalo Bills

Minus points for the lack of music or sound effects but I have to give lots of points for some of the captions on the profiles. Two personal favorites: “I wear my heart on me sleeve and confusion on my face” for the Giants and “Looking for a new best friend who can keep a low profiles and doesn’t have an ego” for the Steelers.

3. Indianapolis Colts

Only Andrew Luck could make sitting reading an NFL schedule while stating facts about each city wildly entertaining and somehow funny. I’m all in. Also the end of this is great.

2. Carolina Panthers

This is what I like to call “pandering to the crowd”. A perfect blend of old school video games to make you feel nostalgic and ready for football season.

1. Los Angeles Chargers

Chargers’ social media team needs a raise.