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The NFL schedule release is a manufactured holiday that’s sole purpose is to force the NFL back onto everyone’s timeline and into everyone’s bandwidth, hoping to drag you from the NBA and NHL playoffs and whatever else you’re doing with your nights in the middle of April. While the event itself is dumb and way overblown—at least in my humble, cynical opinion—it does actually lead to some rather good content put out by team social media accounts.
So I decided to rank that content!
Here are the definitive rankings of each NFL team’s schedule release. Let me know what your rankings would be in the comments.
32. San Francisco 49ers
LET'S GO!
— San Francisco 49ers (@49ers) April 18, 2019
Secure your seats
I’m not even sure if this is their actual schedule release. It’s what’s pinned to the top of their twitter page. Better buy your tickets soon, I guess.
31. Dallas Cowboys
See Jerry Jones and @AmariCooper9 help us release the 2019 #DallasCowboys schedule through ASMR.
— Dallas Cowboys (@dallascowboys) April 18, 2019
Tickets available at 9pm CT via @SeatGeek → https://t.co/ZAoOUYT7dj pic.twitter.com/9YWj8LDsKR
Hell no. Last thing I want in this world is Jerry Jones creepily whispering into my ears.
30. Cleveland Browns
MARK YOUR CALENDARS!
— Cleveland Browns (@Browns) April 18, 2019
Our 2019 schedule is set.
Details » https://t.co/usVpD4VT1r pic.twitter.com/CfIq4w68xb
The Browns are the darling of the NFL right now and this is the best they could come up with? I know they had a video of John Dorsey using old technology to print out the schedule but Browns, you’re the new bandwagon team of the NFL, you’re gonna need to step your game up.
29. Oakland Raiders
Sixty years of iconic players.
— Oakland Raiders (@Raiders) April 18, 2019
Sixty years of legendary moments.
Sixty years of #RaiderNation.
Our 60th season starts here. pic.twitter.com/LV2TZtrTzm
Not sure how I feel about the Raiders hyping up their 60 years of Oakland history just as the NFL’s tearing the team from the city.
28. Arizona Cardinals
The #AZCardinals 2019 Schedule is officially here!
— Arizona Cardinals (@AZCardinals) April 18, 2019
: https://t.co/iOCGqqv7IZ pic.twitter.com/iPD4RbyrOT
Man I really wished they would’ve had a picture of Kyler Murray on this.
27. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Schedule’s out, YOU IN?
— Tampa Bay Buccaneers (@Buccaneers) April 18, 2019
This is cool I guess. Not really sure what to make of this video, but it’s at least something. Wait, does the video not embed????
26. Cincinnati Bengals
A #NewDEY and a new schedule!
— Cincinnati Bengals (@Bengals) April 18, 2019
The 2019 #Bengals schedule is here!
Single game tickets are on sale NOW: https://t.co/srgekQDHKF pic.twitter.com/wzWEzSEpkI
Borning. But at least they included a member of the football team on it.
25. Los Angeles Rams
The schedule is set!
— Los Angeles Rams (@RamsNFL) April 18, 2019
The dream continues in 2019. pic.twitter.com/HbGoXaZIN1
Ya seen one, ya seen them all. (I will give bonus points to the Rams for their schedule release video with Eric Weddle, Aaron Donald and Johnny Hekker in the room. I’m not putting it here though because a) it’s long and b) it’s not really hyped as their release vid)
24. Miami Dolphins
It's official, the 2019 regular season schedule is here! What games will you be attending this season? #FinsUp
— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) April 18, 2019
Single game tickets >> https://t.co/h1wPxNFS3a pic.twitter.com/IC7B0wW8cc
At least the Dolphins added motion to their boring picture of the schedule. I see the tank job also applies to their social media team.
23. New Orleans Saints
A New Orleans-influenced look at the Saints' 2019 schedule!
— New Orleans Saints (@Saints) April 18, 2019
(Via @SeatGeek) #GoSaints pic.twitter.com/7EuF8whGkG
The music’s great but creativity leaves a lot to be desired.
22. Kansas City Chiefs
The 60th season. #ChiefsKingdom pic.twitter.com/C7rUBbmkRc
— Kansas City Chiefs (@Chiefs) April 18, 2019
I feel like the Chiefs have been celebrating their 60th season longer than Kobe celebrated his retirement tour. No one cares about your history Chiefs!
21. Philadelphia Eagles
Announcing the schedule proved tougher than we thought, so we enlisted the help of some of our friends.#FlyEaglesFly | #EaglesEverywhere pic.twitter.com/fQvlX0PdEd
— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) April 18, 2019
Nothing like celebrities awkwardly telling you what games are being played when.
20. Chicago Bears
100 years in the making... #Bears100 pic.twitter.com/83KYt2YLkn
— Chicago Bears (@ChicagoBears) April 18, 2019
What takes this from a fine schedule release film to a good schedule release film is how expertly Matt Nagy delivers his line: “Alright, let’s go.” Dude should quit coaching and go into film.
19. Tennessee Titans
Listen here, Tennessee!
— Tennessee Titans (@Titans) April 18, 2019
The Queen of Country and her friends are here to announce the #Titans 2019 schedule. pic.twitter.com/pufKIBq3Zp
Oh Dolly... no.
18. Detroit Lions
What goes down in the #Lions' group thread? pic.twitter.com/neA5v1deZ9
— Detroit Lions (@Lions) April 18, 2019
I like the premise but it runs long. That being said, there are some good text exchanges, most importantly Kerryon Johnson—or at least texting Kerryon Johnson—not knowing where the Raiders are playing this year.
17. New York Giants
.@RealTracyMorgan drops Big Blue's Fall Lineup, coming this September! pic.twitter.com/e26umIL719
— New York Giants (@Giants) April 18, 2019
Nothing screams “WE’RE COOL TOO!” like having a celebrity read through your schedule. Did you know Tracy Morgan was a Giants fan? At least this is funny.
16. Washington
#ScheduleIsHere pic.twitter.com/zquCdeSS7e
— Washington Redskins (@Redskins) April 18, 2019
Get ready, Game of Thrones parodies are coming. Points for using the actual Game of Thrones music but big minus for just showing Washington D.C. being built rather than all the opposing stadiums. Tisk tisk.
15. Denver Broncos
Our 2019 schedule?
— Denver Broncos (@Broncos) April 18, 2019
It’s in the game. #NFLScheduleRelease pic.twitter.com/mMAcrENuMg
Eh. Not terrible but this isn’t all that exciting. I also don’t play Madden Ultimate Team so the whole pack unveiling thing is not a situation I can relate to.
14. Pittsburgh Steelers
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
— Pittsburgh Steelers (@steelers) April 18, 2019
Let’s head to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe for our 2019 schedule… pic.twitter.com/blrW7zjwsW
I obviously have a special place in my heart for anything Mr. Rogers related but I’m not a fan of the out of order schedule. It makes me think too much and have to piece the schedule together in my head. Not a fan.
13. Houston Texans
Schedule is here.#GameofThrones pic.twitter.com/QV2yNNKyBQ
— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) April 18, 2019
Another Game of Thrones themed schedule release. I like the animation here but, doing the games out of order seems weird to me. That being said, it’s nice after each division to show us the banners and week they’re playing.
12. Atlanta Falcons
Football is coming.
— Atlanta Falcons (@AtlantaFalcons) April 17, 2019
Full Schedule ➡️https://t.co/vNuHMKwxTs pic.twitter.com/Xb91bWV7dB
I wish teams had talked with each other and decided to do only one Game of Thrones themed opening. Take this, add the Texan’s stadium building and the actually GoT music, and you’ve got a great video.
11. Seattle Seahawks
⬇️ Restart those consoles and charge those battery packs because the Biggest Games of 2019 are HERE. ⬇️ pic.twitter.com/VOJCJwcidv
— Seattle Seahawks (@Seahawks) April 18, 2019
Here’s a fun drinking game that will get you toasted at 9:30 in the morning: drink everytime you hear “Go Hawks!”
10. Green Bay Packers
Game On: The 2019 #Packers schedule is here!
— Green Bay Packers (@packers) April 18, 2019
: https://t.co/11LbDm9kMY#GoPackGo pic.twitter.com/0BDpkJKgZv
This is great on mute.
9. Minnesota Vikings
Two Thousand Nineteen
— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) April 18, 2019
Vikings schedule is here
Poetry stylehttps://t.co/m0jfJIfmem pic.twitter.com/VApm2oWkP4
It is creative
Some of the poems are good
Others....maybe not
8. New England Patriots
Football is a very fun game.
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) April 18, 2019
Schedule 2019: Bad #Patriots lip reading edition. pic.twitter.com/qVcil6ALLg
Love it. Would’ve been even more impressive if the phrases they were saying were actually linked to the games that they were playing but that’s just being nitpicky.
7. New York Jets
Blow in the cartridge. Insert the Rumble Pak. Dial up Da Bomb.
— #TakeFlight (@nyjets) April 18, 2019
It's 2019 schedule release, NFL Blitz style! pic.twitter.com/JrHU8PiUeX
I do love me some NFL Blitz. At first I thought the cuts to gameplay would make the video feel too long, but actually, I think it provided a nice break here and there. Well done.
6. Jacksonville Jaguars
Get your teal out because today your lives are about to change.
— #DUUUVAL (@Jaguars) April 18, 2019
It’s the 2019 Jaguars Schedule, presented by @McGowansHVAC!
Full schedule: https://t.co/XpUXP46BKF pic.twitter.com/LW4Drq5tMX
It takes a while to get through, but this is pretty good. I especially like the cleaning up Saints’ fans tears towel. Nice touch.
5. Baltimore Ravens
‼️THIS FOOTBALL SEASON ‼️
— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) April 18, 2019
PREPARE FOR DOMINATION
‼️MEGA RAVENS FOOTBALL‼️ pic.twitter.com/6gKU0m9009
Yes. 100% yes. As a schedule release this is fine: the schedule blows by and they jump around randomly giving you teams and matchups to watch. But as a pure piece of entertainment this is gold. The best line: “From the 19th century comes, Poe! The quarter story tall black bird.”
4. Buffalo Bills
Hey 2019 opponents…
— Buffalo Bills (@buffalobills) April 18, 2019
Sup? pic.twitter.com/JPpU3Wu4FH
Minus points for the lack of music or sound effects but I have to give lots of points for some of the captions on the profiles. Two personal favorites: “I wear my heart on me sleeve and confusion on my face” for the Giants and “Looking for a new best friend who can keep a low profiles and doesn’t have an ego” for the Steelers.
3. Indianapolis Colts
Who needs a fancy schedule release video when you can have THIS? pic.twitter.com/47Bub45Big
— Indianapolis Colts (@Colts) April 18, 2019
Only Andrew Luck could make sitting reading an NFL schedule while stating facts about each city wildly entertaining and somehow funny. I’m all in. Also the end of this is great.
2. Carolina Panthers
Wanna play a game? pic.twitter.com/mF5CeYnGUE
— Carolina Panthers (@Panthers) April 18, 2019
This is what I like to call “pandering to the crowd”. A perfect blend of old school video games to make you feel nostalgic and ready for football season.
1. Los Angeles Chargers
Should we REALLY make our schedule release video with stock footage?
— Los Angeles Chargers (@Chargers) April 18, 2019
yes yes yesyes
yesyes yes yes yes
yes yes yes yes yes
yes yesyes yes yes
yes yesye yes yes
yes yes yesyes pic.twitter.com/wAB8CdAfnB
Chargers’ social media team needs a raise.