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The 8 rules of Fantasy Football Club

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“We are consumers. We’re by-products of a lifestyle obsession.”

Before this article, I wrote a Brad Pitt-themed fantasy football team-name list. I felt that I did not do “Fight Club” enough justice. I only provided one team name related to “Fight Club.” Absurd, but also I was trying not to list obvious, possibly offensive team names. This movie is so ingrained into the pop-culture lexicon, that I thought more “Fight Club” would be fun.

So, I decided that I’m going to create eight defined rules of Fantasy Football Club. These rules can be applied to any fantasy football league.

The rules are simple and should be universal for FF Club.

**Clears throat for the most Tyler Durden voice possible**

RULE #1 You do not forget to set your lineup.

RULE #2: You DO NOT FORGET TO SET YOUR LINEUP.

This can’t be stressed enough. If you feel you can’t commit a few minutes during the Tuesday morning after Monday Night Football and before Thursday Night Football (if necessary) then don’t play. No one wants to play against a ghost team and no one wants to watch others get easy wins because you didn’t bother to sub out a bye week player. Adjust your roster on the john. Adjust your roster while the intro to your third episode of The Office for the evening is playing. Just do it.

RULE #3: If someone says “stop,” goes limp or taps out the match is NOT over.

Sometimes you have bad fantasy weeks. During these times, you gotta take your lumps and accept the trash talk. Be a good sport, remember who said what, and come back for REVENGE the next time they play you.

RULE #4: Only one guy/girl to a team.

I know, you rookies want to get a little help. It’s tempting to get veteran assistance from someone who’s been a football junkie their entire life. I contend that this is how you get better, though. See what works, see what doesn’t. Take the losing experiences and turn them into positives. If you want to learn how to swim, you got to go out into the deep end at some point.

RULE #5: One fight at a time.

I’m keeping this rule the same as it is in the movie. Don’t get trapped thinking you have an easy win one week and start looking forward to the next. Those trap games will get you. Take it one match at a time, one week at a time.

RULE #6: No play with no dues.

Don’t be that member. Pay your dues on time. The commissioner doesn’t want to keep messaging you about them. That’s just uncomfortable for everyone. Know your limitations, though. If a league is too expensive then suggest a lower buy-in or join another league. Like NFL players, sometimes you got to make the best business decision for yourself.

RULE #7: Fights will go on as long as they have to.

Commissioners, this rule is for you. Institute decimal scoring or tie breakers for matchups in regular-season matchups or playoff matchups. No ties. Ask any fantasy player. Any real fantasy player. It doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning’s winning. (Okay, I’m crossing movies here, but I’m running with it.)

RULE #8: If this is your first season of FF Club, you HAVE to know your league rules.

I’ll end by providing some more advice to first-time players. Know your league rules. Especially, where the most points are going to come from. Is your league full or half-point PPR? How many starting roster spots are there? What types of positions are in each lineup? What can you play as a flex? All crucial questions that you can ask the commissioner if you’re unaware.

Welcome to FF Club.