It’s just a fact that Tuesdays are the worst days of the week. Yes Mondays tend to get the brunt of America’s disdain but at least you can complain about how much you hate Mondays. You can’t still be complaining about Tuesdays by the time they roll around.
(For those wondering at home, the correct power ranking of days of the week:
7. Tuesday just after lunch when you remember there’s a whole afternoon PLUS three days ahead of you
6. Monday morning when your alarm goes off
5. Wednesday, just in general
4. Thursday evening when you know you only have 24 hours left
3. Sunday afternoon, football helps but the reminder of Monday hovers overhead
2. Saturday morning when your alarm doesn’t go off
1. Friday at 5 pm when the bottles pop and the weekend officially starts)
As we currently find ourselves trapped in that Tuesday afternoon purgatory, I figured I’d steer into the succubus and rank the most disappointing fantasy performances from the weekend (ESPN standard scoring).
Here we go.
Honorable mentions: Jacoby Brissett & Case Keenum
Just honorable mentions for these guys because what was disappointing wasn’t that they let us down, it was that great fantasy performances were wasted on them because no one in their right mind started them. Keenum was the THIRD BEST fantasy quarterback this week and Brissett was FOURTH. WHAT IS THIS WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN?
Less honorable mention: Joe Flacco
Shoutout to Super Bowl winning quarterback Joe Flacco who finished Sunday morning with negative fantasy points. Yes, his 28 total yards passing and two interceptions left him with a spectacular negative score. I doubt you started him as the Jaguars defense is actually quite good but my condolences to any who did. But those condolences last for like three seconds. If you started Flacco, you brought this upon yourself.
10. Javorius Allen: 2 points
Well look at that, first player ranked is also on the Ravens. Shocking I’m sure. Allen didn’t have the largest of expectations to live up to so his disappointment level isn’t all that great. Sure you never want two points from someone you’re counting on for RB2 production but maybe that’s your own fault for putting him in that position. I made that mistake. Oh well.
9. Ty Montgomery: 4 points
What was most disappointing about Montgomery’s performance against the Bengals was it made you realize just how touchdown relient he’s been to start this season. It seems that no matter how many touches Mike McCarthy gives Montgomery on the ground, it won’t be enough to give him fantasy relevance simply from total yardage and that you’ll be relying on him to punch in a touchdown here and there to give you even a RB2 performance. Here’s to hoping that the Packers completely change their ways and become a ground-first attack.
8. Terrelle Pryor Sr: 1 point
The captain of my hypetrain has been lost at sea so far this season, having yet to even score seven fantasy points. Obviously this will slowly destroy me until I am just the skeleton of a man who chose poorly. My ranking here isn’t just because Pryor only managed a single point, that’s sadly nothing new for him. It’s because in a game in which Kirk Cousins suddenly looked like the Kirk Cousins who does, in fact, “like that”, one would hope that Pryor would’ve seen some usage. Instead it was Vernon Davis and fantasy legend Chris Thompson who saw the action. Oh Pryor, will you ever be productive?
7. Cam Newton: 7 points
If it were any other weekend, I wouldn’t have Cam on this list just because I have no expectations for him. Anything he puts together is gravy but I’m not relying on him to lead my team to glory. That being said, when you face off against the Saints defense, at home, and you can’t even muster up 10 points, that’s cause for major disappointment. No defense is giving up more fantasy points to quarterbacks than the Saints and yet Cam couldn’t take advantage of it. Someone might be getting a “YA DONE” pretty soon...
6. Marshawn Lynch: 1 point
You’re going to see plenty of Raiders on this list because they turned in a big old heaping stinker Sunday night. Lynch only managed 18 yards on the ground on six attempts against a Washington defense that looked not great against Todd Gurley the week before. I’m sure Beast Mode will bounce back but hard not to make the list when people rely on you weekly and you give them a singular point performance. Just fall forward two more yards and at least get the two points.
5. Amari Cooper: 0 points
Like I said, plenty of Raiders on this list. For starters, Cooper is high on this list because he had opportunities and just failed. He was targeted five times and dropped four of them. He finished with just Ah catch for Ah six yard gain. Ah-ful. But something is also up with Cooper’s usage in Oakland. This is the second week in a row that Cooper has only seen five targets. Hopefully that’ll change and hopefully Cooper will be able to hold onto the ball or else he’ll be on this list for weeks to come.
4. Jay Ajayi: 1 point
[facepalms, mutters incoherently through fingers]
you were facing the Jets. the Jets. they’re the only team in the nfl actively trying to lose and you did nothing against them. so. so. so. disappointing.
[repeatedly bangs head against the table until the memory is forever lost]
3. Derek Carr: 4 points
This one really hits home because I had Carr as my quarterback buy for FanDuel. I thought he was going to have a monster game and I was about to reap all the benefits. Oh how wrong I was. Instead Derek Carr did his best David Carr impression and practically played himself out of the league. Too harsh? Sorry, I’m just still fuming that Derek let me down so badly.
2. Travis Kelce: 0 points
So I have a theory behind Kelce’s just awful Week 3 performance. I think in the NFL coach’s fantasy league—because that’s totally a thing—Andy Reid’s team More Than A. Thielen was taking on Doug Pederson’s team You Kelce Me and Reid knew that if Kelce had even three points he was going to lose and we all know Pederson is a poor winner. So Reid built a game-plan that targeted Kelce once for one yard and that was it. While that performance might have helped Reid win, it certainly didn’t help any one of the millions of people who started Kelce in their lineup. For shame Andy!
And finally, the most disappointing fantasy performance of Week 3 is...
1. Ravens DEF: -6 points
YOU WERE PLAYING BLAKE BORTLES AND THE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AND YOU FINISHED WITH NEGATIVE POINTS HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN I’M SO CONFUSED AND UPSET RIGHT NOW I’M NOT EVEN USING PUNCTUATION THE RAVENS DEFENSE HAS BROKEN ME
But seriously, Ravens defense, how?