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To celebrate Opening Day and the 2017 baseball season officially beginning, I decided to rank the newest ballpark franks in the most scientific manner possible: Purely based on how they look in the pictures. And you can trust my judgement because it’s well past lunch and I haven’t eaten yet, which means I’m starving and willing to eat anything.
Eliminated due to lack of photo
Philadelphia Phillies Mac and Cheese Dog: It sounds good, a hot dog topped with house made mac and cheese and a drizzle of pepper ketchup but as the rules clearly stipulate, this is judged off pictures. So, no pics, no rank.
PHI Jersey Shore Dog: Much like the cast of the Jersey Shore, I never want this in me.
Kansas City Royals Cuban Dog: A dog topped with pulled pork, sliced ham, Swiss cheese, mustard and pickles would have been very highly ranked. Missed opportunity.
Oh no.
Cincinnati Reds The Nacho Dog: Awful photo taking. Makes the dog look cheap and very unappetizing.
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Arizona Diamondbacks Churro Dog 2.0: Looks like Frosty took a tumble and is slowly bleeding out after being impaled by a light post. No thanks.
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Unoriginal
Chicago Cubs Wrigley Dog, Pilsen Dog, Bao Wao Dog & Kimchi Dog: Bored. From the looks of them, I can get those hot dogs anywhere.
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Chicago White Sox The Heater: I’m sure it’s a good dog, but this looks very basic. Chicago not exactly killing it in the creativity category.
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ARI Chipotle Chorizo Dog: Strong presentation from the Diamondbacks but this dog isn’t making me want to push my head through my computer to get at it.
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Good not great
Texas Rangers Fritos Kimchi Chili Dog: While this presentation style works well for the M.V.T., it doesn’t work as well for the Fritos dog as they get lost in the action.
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PHI Harry The K's Pastrami Sausage: Not technically a hot dog but still, it’s hard to argue with a photo as professional as this.
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ARI Chicken Enchilada Dog: Yes the size is nice, but I’m looking for blow my socks of quantity at the moment. Though I do appreciate quality and the local nature of this dog as it’s made with local chicken and a local bun. Plus, a very well staged photo.
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CIN The Taco Dog: Looks good and looks messy. Those are two things you want in a dog. Would have been higher on the list if the dog was more visible, not because of less toppings but because of a bigger dog.
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Tummy rumblers
ARI Top Dog: Now we’re starting to get some traction. A foot-long dog in a soft bun with nacho cheese, chili, sour cream, green onion AND tater tots. Call me Napoleon because I’m not sharing those tots.
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Colorado Rockies Bacon-wrapped Footlong Chili Cheese Dog: First of all, excellent camera work on this picture. Anything that is wrapped in bacon and sitting on top of a pile of fries is a win in my book.
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KC Sunrise Dog: Now here’s a dog that when I look at it, I can imagine eating it and how good it would be. May seem basic, but it is done in the perfect over the top fashion with a fried egg draped across the top of each dog.
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Top dogz
Toronto Blue Jays Bloor Street Dog: This just looks delicious. And healthy too which is something that some hot dog reviewers might dock points for but I appreciate the attempt at making something artery clogging a little less so.
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TEX The M.V.T. Dog: There’s a reason this is called the Most Valuable Tamale. LOOK AT IT! Not only is the presentation amazing, but it’s a two foot hot dog covered in nacho cheese and chili. How do you say no to that?
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Washington Nationals Miami South Beach Dog: I mean, the clear winner right? It looks good, it’s pictured well, it has everything I could want in a lunch. Though I am curious why Washington D.C. has a Miami South Beach dog...
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Poll
Which new hot dog is your favorite?
This poll is closed
-
0%
Nacho dog
-
0%
Churro dog 2.0
-
0%
Wrigley dog, Pilsen dog, Bao Wao dog & Kimchi dog
-
0%
The heater
-
4%
Chipotle chorizo dog
-
0%
Fritos kimchi chili dog
-
4%
Harry the K’s pastrami sausage
-
0%
Chicken enchilada dog
-
12%
Taco dog
-
8%
Top dog
-
25%
Bacon-wrapped footlong chili cheese dog
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12%
Sunrise dog
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12%
Bloor street dog
-
16%
M.V.T. dog
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4%
Miami south beach dog