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The All Assists/Rebounding/Points Teams

Building a starting five based solely on assists, then rebounds, then points. Spoiler alert: Westbrook is on all of them.

NBA: Preseason-Oklahoma City Thunder at Denver Nuggets Isaiah J. Downing-USA TODAY Sports

What would a fantasy basketball team look like if we ONLY concentrated on assists? Or rebounds? Or points?

First: Duh. Russell Westbrook would be on all of them.

Second: Duh-er. The top 20 guys would be on all of them.

Third: Duh-est. The best players get the most playing time which NETS you the most stats.

But, let’s look at ‘em, anyway! And, then we’ll see if we can construct teams sans the All NBA usual suspects.

All Assists (each player was #1 in assists at their respective position)

PG - Russell Westbrook (840 total assists in 2016-17; we’re using totals, mmkay?)

SG - James Harden (907 total assists; I know, I know, he played PG, but everyone’s listing him as a 2-guard, so WTF, yknow?)

SF - LeBron James (646 total assists)

PF - Draymond Green (533 total assists; Dray “Deeeez Nuts” Green is soooooo good)

C - Nikola Jokic (359 total assists; this surprised me, I thought Al Horford or Marc Gasol would’ve had the most assists. See? This wasn’t totally dumb! Just mostly dumb!)

All Rebounds (each player was #1 in rebounds at their respective position)

PG - Russell Westbrook (864 total rebounds; he was 8th in the ENTIRE LEAGUE in rebounds; he had more total rebounds than Boogie & Joker; WHOA)

SG - James Harden (659 total rebounds; more than Gorgeous Gorgui Dieng, haha)

SF - Giannis Antetokounmpo (700 total rebounds)

PF - Anthony Davis (884 total rebounds)

C - Andre Drummond (1115 total rebounds; he was ONE rebound better than Deandre Jordan)

All Points (each player was #1 in points at their respective position)

PG - Russell Westbrook (2558 total points)

SG - James Harden (2356 total points)

SF - LeBron (1954 total points)

PF - Anthony Davis (2099 total points)

C - Karl-Anthony Towns (2061 total points)

Okay, so what does this tell us? Westbrook & Harden are The Men; LeBron is a bad player; the Brow is nasty and will probably get nastier and maybe the Pelicans are better without Rondo because Jrue Holiday is better than people think?

But, let’s dig deeper. Like, five players deeper. Who has the 6th most totals in each stat cat?

6th Most in Assists

PG - T.J. McConnell (534 total assist, 6th most for a PG; I mean, no disrespect to Mr. McConnell [that’s a weird thing to say], but Markelle Fultz is the point guard in Philly this season, so let’s POINT out that Elfrid Payton, a professional haircut, had the 7th most assists in the NBA last season, 529.)

SG - Devin Booker (268) and Bradley Beal (267) (This one was a bit tough since so many guards play both positions these days, but out of the guys that matter, these two were 6th and 7th)

SF - Andre Igoudala (261) and Kawhi Leonard (260)

PF - Marcus Morris (160) and The Brow (157)

C - Karl-Anthony Towns (220)

6th Most in Rebounds

PG - Steph Curry (!!!) (353)

SG - Victor Oladipo (291)

SF - Dario Saric (513)

PF - JaMychal Green (544)

C - Dwight Howard (940)

6th Most in Points

PG - Kyrie Irving (1816)

SG - Devin Booker (1726)

SF - Carmelo (!!) (1659)

PF - LaMarcus Aldridge (1243) (Porzingis had 1196)

C - Nikola Jokic (1221) (Myles Turner had 1173; he might go off this season)

What did we learn this time?

We learned that Devin Booker is more than just points, he also spreads the ball around. Rebounds are becoming more democratic, at least regarding position, possibly due to the increased length of rebounds because of the increased amount of three point attempts? Or, it could be due to the amount of space in the paint since everyone’s out beyond the arc these days?

(Hmmm, power versus space, it’s like the Infinity Gauntlet, or the Infinity War, or Secret Infinity, or Eternal Infinities, or Infinity Glove, or Eternity Socks, or every other thing that Marvel Comics does. Marvel comics are easy: it’s either the infinity stones or it’s the phoenix force. One thing’s for sure: if the Marvel Cinematic Universe had any balls whatsoever, they’d give the Power Gem to Power Man, aka Luke Cage, and he’d use it to give Misty Knight her own show cuz DAMN. A robot arm, an infinity gem AND she loves coffee? Give this woman 6 seasons and a movie RIGHT NOW.)