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Closer Rankings: Short but sweet

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Sorry, y'all. Between sleepiness and potential romance, I had to do it fast this week.

Nick Turchiaro-USA TODAY Sports

We gotta do it quick this week. I didn't get back from Washington, D.C., until like 3:30 Sunday morning, then Sunday was Mother's Day and I had to bring people silly dang food all day, and I didn't get home until 9. Now, as I write this, it's 10:30, and if I can get this knocked out in reasonable time, I can go meet a potential new ladyfriend for a couple late drinks. I love y'all, but that's a way better option.

So this week, I'm not going to do a whole big look-at-the-history thing, if for no other reason than, you know, above, and I currently don't have any great ideas anyway, so it would take me far too long to make something happen.

Hope y'all forgive me. The laziness stops now. I'll still offer some player thoughts and the like. As always, two lists of Closer Rankings: a Right-Now list and a Rest-Of-Season list. Without further ado:

Right-Now Rankings

Rank Player Team Last Weeek Thoughts
1 Aroldis Chapman CIN 1
2 Andrew Miller NYY 5 You could make a really good argument that the Yankees and Royals have four of baseball's top five relievers.
3 David Robertson CWS 3 Gave up his first runs of the season Sunday, bringing his WHIP from 0.58 to 0.77. That's ... still really good.
4 Greg Holland KCR 12 He'll be fine, but no strikeouts in his first two appearances off the DL.
5 Craig Kimbrel SDP 2 Ultimately, I'm not really worried about him, but I could see the Padres giving him a couple get-yourself-rigth days.
6 Joakim Soria DET 4
7 Drew Storen WAS 7
8 Trevor Rosenthal SLC 8
9 Huston Street LAA 6
10 Koji Uehara BOS 9
11 Glen Perkins MIN 10
12 Zach Britton BAL 11 He blew a save two weeks ago Saturday. Since, he's gone 3.2 innings with three baserunners, four strikeouts and no runs. Good, solid, never going to blow you away.
13 Jonathan Papelbon PHI 13 On a better team, Papelbon would still easily be a top-10 closer.
14 Francisco Rodriguez MIL 14 Five games in May: five innings, 10 strikoeuts, three baserunners, no runs. Rodriguez has had a weird, weird career.
15 Brad Boxberger TAM 18
16 Jeurys Familia NYM 17
17 Mark Melancon PIT 21 He's started to look a lot better of late. Will the warmer weather help him?
18 Hector Rondon CHC 16
19 Kenley Jansen LAD NR Looks like he might be activated this week. I think he'll get his job back right away. You just might not get it from the week's start.
20 Brett Cecil TOR 28 He's looked good since getting the Toronto job back. I think he keeps it.
21 Santiago Casilla SFG 24
22 Fernando Rodney SEA 23
23 Tyler Clippard OAK 25 As much as the A's have struggled, Clippard hasn't had much of a chance to accrue numbers.
24 Neftali Feliz TEX NR As the Rangers start to play a little better, the value on Feliz looks better as well.
25 Chad Qualls HOU NR Okay, what's going on with Luke Gregerson? Is he on the 15-day DL or just the family emergency list? Not even Google has enough answers for me. Either way, it's Qualls for now.
26 Cody Allen CLE 27 In 12 appearances, Allen has given up at least a run in six. He's given up four runs twice. He's given up runs in four of his last six games. Totally untrustworthy.
27 Wade Davis KCR 22 If saves weren't a fantasy category, he and the next guy would both be, what, top five?
28 Dellin Betances NYY 26
29 Steve Cishek MIA 19 I don't know what's happened to him. Another bad outing or two and the job goes to A.J. Ramos, but for now I still have to rank Cishek as the guy in the gig.
30 Jim Johnson ATL NR With some back spasms, Jason Grilli is on the shelf for a few days. Johnson will get the saves for the first part of the week.

Rest-Of-Season Rankings

Rank Player Team Last Week Thoughts
1 Aroldis Chapman CIN 1
2 Andrew Miller NYY 5
3 Craig Kimbrel SDP 2
4 David Robertson CWS 3 If the guy who thought I gave Robertson no love a few weeks ago reads this ... sorry, man. Still think he's good, just not the best.
5 Greg Holland KCR 6
6 Joakim Soria DET 4
7 Drew Storen WAS 8
8 Kenley Jansen LAD 10 Yeah, I think he'll be fine.
9 Huston Street LAA 7
10 Trevor Rosenthal SLC 9
11 Glen Perkins MIN 11 Nothing changes in this tier, as these guys are all solid without the extreme upside of the top bunch.
12 Koji Uehara BOS 12
13 Zach Britton BAL 13
14 Francisco Rodriguez MIL 16
15 Jonathan Papelbon PHI 15 I'd love to see someone like Toronto or something figure out a way to afford Papelbon. His skill needs to contend.
16 Sean Doolittle OAK 20 We're within a couple weeks or so of his return, which will make the struggling A's much happier.
17 Mark Melancon PIT 23
18 Brad Boxberger TAM 21 I'm no longer buying in on Jake McGee getting saves unless I hear otherwise.
19 Jeurys Familia NYM 18 He's given up a hit in four straight outings. That isn't much, but I do think we've seen his best stretch of the season.
20 Hector Rondon CHC 17
21 Fernando Rodney SEA 24
22 Brett Cecil TOR 29
23 Santiago Casilla SFG 26 The Giants always seem to get wins for relievers. Seven for Jean Machi last year, four already for Casilla this year. I don't think there's anything to that, but it's interesting.
24 Jason Grilli ATL 19
25 Luke Gregerson HOU 22 Whenever Gregerson is back from whatever list he's on, he'll be the closer.
26 Wade Davis KCR 25
27 Steve Cishek MIA 14 This is evidence I sort of -- but not confidently -- think Cishek gets things worked out.
28 Dellin Betances NYY 28
29 Neftali Feliz TEX NR
30 Cody Allen CLE 27

Now, if you'll let me Good Will Hunting at you for a moment, I gotta go see about a girl.