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A Cubs Fan Explains Why The Mets Won The 2015 NLCS

Per a bet with a friend, I had to explain why the Mets beat my Cubs in the NLCS. This is my post.

Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports

Hi. My name is Brian Stultz and I am a lifelong Chicago Cubs fan. While I am not as upset as I was in 1989 or 2003, I am still a little depressed that the Cubs were kept from winning the World Series for the 107th year. I will try to be nice, but know that some anger might come out in this post.

So, the season is over for the Chicago Cubs after a good run in the 2015 MLB Playoffs that ended at the hands of the Flushing, Queens Mets in a sweep. The Cubs are young, talented, and built for the future. This is not about them. This is about how the Metropolitans, who were swept by the Cubs during the regular season 7-0, somehow came together and put on a great performance in the NLCS. I have a few reasons why this happened:

Hair

What in Gary Carter's (ooooh, is that TOO soon?) name was going on with the hair of the Mets' pitchers? Did they all watch Fast Times At Ridgemont High and think, "You know what? I LOVE to look like Spicoli!" Do they not have a team barber? Is this some sort of Samson-like strength where if you cut their locks, they lose the ability to throw sliders?

So, the Mets pitching was outstanding. I don't know all of their names - Harvey is one, deGrom (who spells their name like that?) is another - and I vaguely remember some dude that sounded like one of the characters in the movie Fargo (Snydergardner?), but yeah, they were great. They are also young, and Harvey seems like a good dude from that time he went out on the streets of New York and asked people what they thought about him while not telling them that it was him. Look it up. Pretty funny. I would just hate to see these guys, I don't know, throw out their arms - Harvey already did - or get injured like my beloved Mark Prior did a century ago. That would break my heart.

Hot Streak

When a guy named Lucas Duda is coming through for you in the clutch, you know that your entire team is on fire. Hell, manager Terry Collins could have put Bobby Bonilla - STILL ON THE PAYROLL! - up there and he would have magically hit a home run off of awesome pitcher/human robot Jake Arrieta. A lot of times, the playoffs come down to who is hot at the right moment. Well, if the Mets get any hotter, all those car part stores that surround Citi Field in BEAUTIFUL Flushing will catch on fire and McFadden's across the street will serving nothing BUT Fireball. I would hate to see that happen. I have had many good times on Hibernia outings to Citi Field. The Verizon store is still mopping up all of the beer I spilled there while watching the 2010 World Cup Final. (Suck it, Netherlands!) Sure, most Mets fans are more interested in standing in line for an overpriced Shake Shack burger for three innings instead of watching the game, but who wouldn't want to pay $20 for something you can get in Manhattan any day of the week? You would be CRAZY not to stand in line with all the Roccos and Lewisbaums from Long Island who are either chugging beers or complaining about the chill.

Wait, where was I? Oh right. The Mets got hot, the Cubs cooled down, and we now have the Mets waiting to see whether they will play the Royals or Blue Jays in the World Series.

The Powers to Be in Baseball Hate Me

I would like to think that, if there is a baseball god somewhere, he said to himself and all his cronies, "Hey look, Stultz is moving to Chicago. We should REALLY get his hopes up and make the Cubs look awesome this year, have them make the playoffs, beat the rival Cardinals to pump him up even more, and then take it all away in four games against the same team that he had his first job out of college with. Wouldn't that be awesome? Roll Tide!" I think that seriously happened. It isn't enough that they made an eight-year-old Brian cry when the Giants beat the Cubs in five games in 1989, and my father had bought tickets for Game Six, and I was so excited about going that I couldn't sleep. NOOO! And it wasn't enough that 2003 happened. (Hold on, having flashbacks. Can't....talk.....right...now....) Okay, now I am fine. They had to do this to me after moving to Chicago. Damn them to hell!

Daniel Murphy

Before the playoffs, the only reason Murphy was even known was because he is a homophobic bigot that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as, you know, tolerant people who don't hate people for being themselves. Now, he is famous for hitting balls with his bat, which leads to him getting patted on the butt by his teammates and coaches, and then after all that happens, he can go shower with all of his mates before meeting the press with only a towel wrapped around him like he is at the West Side Club on W. 20th Street in Manhattan. I'm sure every time he goes to bat, he makes a joke like, "Haha. You are a catcher and you are getting pitched to" and lame things like that. I look forward to the day that he is caught having Happy Hour at The Monster or Marie's Crisis - you KNOW he is totally a lover of singing show tunes with horny 70-year-old men - and has to explain that he was only there as a spy for President Vladmir Putin (it's bound to happen) and that he isn't REALLY into guys. He will then have to explain the pictures of him in David Wright's basement in a harness and sling.

Chicago Feels Sorry For You

New Yorkers, especially Mets fans, have had it rough. I mean, it has been 15 long years since you have even been in the World Series. How do you fans sleep at night? This is not even mentioning the 29 long years since actually winning the whole thing. HOW DO YOU GO ON? I mean, you continually fill Citi Field for every game and never ever boo your team, and for what? To put up with this drought of futility? There are freshman in HIGH SCHOOL that haven't seen the Mets play in the World Series? How are those kids supposed to have enough confidence to do anything in life? Also, you are stuck with DeBlasio and the Knicks, so have fun with that.

In conclusion, I would like to congratulate my good friend Kim Stanis on her Mets making the World Series and beating my Cubs, therefore me having to write this post.

GO CUBS GO!

Brian Stultz