NFC South Predictions

(To preview the upcoming season, Brad Coustan and I, Brian Stultz, will exchange emails to discuss our predictions for each conference.  My (Brian Stultz) emails are in italics.  We finish with the NFC South.)

Brad,

It's our last one.  Let's make it a good one!

A few thoughts about the NFC South:

- Matty Ice is the lamest nickname in the NFL.  It is not even close.

- Can we spend a minute talking about Ron Rivera's transition lenses?  Why does anyone need these?  I think my Dad wears them, but he is retired and lives in South Florida.  Does he wear them just so we can't see his eyes rolling into the back of his head from not knowing what to do?

- The Saints just presented a statue to the man who tried to move them out of New Orleans after Katrina.  I remember seeing Benson dancing on the sideline with a parasol after they clinched the trip to the Super Bowl and I remember saying, "I hate that man."  Also, the whole "Saints Helped Heal New Orleans" crap is entire bullsh*t.

- Lovie Smith is back to go 9-7 and then crap the bed in the playoffs.

Predictions

1. Saints (11-5)

2. Panthers (9-7)

3. Falcons (8-8)

4. Bucs (6-10)

5 Things I Like

1.  CAM

2.  Sean Payton seems like a fun guy to get drunk with

3.  The chances of Mike Smith getting fired

4.  Greg Schiano being gone

5.  Falcons DC Mike Nolan

5 Things I Don't Like

1.  A stadium that has a pirate ship in it

2.  New Orleans.  Sorry, it is overrated.

3.  Samuel L. Jackson screaming "RISE UP" to a silent Falcons crowd

4.  The Panthers' receiving corps

5.  The fact my favorite restaurant in Atlanta closed last July

5 Players I Like

1.  CAM

2.  Julio Jones

3.  Brees

4.  MIKE ALSTOTT!  (Wait, what?)

5.  Brees' receivers

5 Players I Don't Like

1.  Matt Ryan

2.  Mike Glennon

3.  Carolina's running backs

4.  Falcons defense

5.  Falcons running backs

I await your 80's sitcom filled reply.

Brian

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My good man,

I hope you continue to annoy me to end with emails after this little rendezvous is over. Either that or stalk me on Twitter (@iambradstrong) - insert shameless plug for my Twitter account here.

Here's the thing about Matty Ice. Someone once said that he is a player that doesn't make the other players better. Rather the other way around. Sort of like Tina Yothers on Family Ties or any Charlie's Angel other than Farrah, Cheryl Ladd or Jaclyn Smith. Heck - I could throw bombs to Julio and Roddy too.

Regarding Riverboat Ron's eyewear. He's a gambler man!  Probably heading to a riverboat casino after every game and doesn't want to change outfits.

I don't like anything about the Saints. I don't like Sean Payton. I don't like Jimmy Graham dunking over the goalposts defiantly in the face of the NFL. I don't like running back by committees and I don't like dancing owners. Individually, though, I LOVE them for fantasy purposes.

Mark my words. And I think given more time Schiano would have done a good job. Lovie in TB = wild card and playoff win. That defense will be tight!

Predicted Order of Finish

Saints 11-5 - all 5 losses on road. Look up Brees' home and road splits

Bucs 10-6

Panthers 6-10 - Riverboat Ron's 4th down game plan goes down in smoke

Falcons 4-12 - Mike Smith, the tribe has spoken, hand over your torch

5 Things I Like

1.  Arthur Blank in the Falcons Play 60 Commercial

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/F2vdax_52Z4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

2.  Lovie

3.  The Bucs D

4.  The Falcons WRs

5.  Brees at home

5 Things I Dislike

1.  Mike Smith

2.  Mike Smith in the above commercial - no rhythm. Rhythm is a hard word to spell. It has no rhythm.

3.  The Carolina WRs

4.  The fact that Ron Rivera is more stable and became a better coach than Mike Singletary

5.  Brees on the road

5 Players I Like (for fantasy purposes)

1.  Brees at home

2.  Jimmy Graham - thanks captain obvious

3.  Jonathan Stewart - book it. Stash him

4.  Kelvin Benjamin

5.  Julio Jones (which I believe is pronounced Julio Hones)

5 Players I Dislike (for fantasy purposes)

1.  Brees on the road

2.  Kenny Stills

3.  Harry Douglass

4.  Steven Jackson

5.  Josh McCown - Lovie a slightly different skill set than Marc Trestman ya know

OK my good lad. I am off to order tickets to Saved By The Bell Musical right now.

http://baysidethemusical.com

This show should be a big bowl of AWESOME!

Fondly,

Brad

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Figures a Jersey Boy (now on Broadway!) would take up for Schiano. I suppose he did get a few people to start paying attention to Rutgers so there's that.

I think Matty Ice is more like Diane on Cheers. (Another Shelly Long reference FTW!). No one really likes them and they are put into the spotlight for no apparent reason. Diane was the worst.

You do realize I already follow you on Twitter, correct?

Just for the heck of it, I am going to name something horrible about each city in this division as well.

1. New Orleans - Homeless, drunk Cajuns who can't read. More corrupt than 1920's Chicago.  Also....RACIST!

2. Atlanta - Worst professional sports town in America. No one if from Atlanta. Also....SUPER RACIST!

3. Charlotte - The airport has the worst design of any airport in the world. Also....RACIST!

4. Tampa - "Because you can't afford to live in a nice part of Florida!"

I am thinking of watching every episode of Saved By The Bell and live tweeting each episode while watching. I think that would be amazing.

@brianjstultz Jesse just called Slater a pig...again.

@brianjstultz Zack is using Screech to pull off some stunt...again.

@brianjstultz I wonder if Malibu Sands is still open

You get the point.

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Brian -

Shelley Long!  She was even annoying in one of the greatest movies of all time - NIGHTSHIFT. If you can't be even remotely likable or attractive costarring with Michael Keaton and Henry Winkler then you bite.

By the way I know YOU follow me on Twitter (@iambradstrong) that was a shameless plug for our READERS to follow me on Twitter (@iambradstrong) ... so ... Christian Tarnowski - c'mon down!

I was laughing out loud - literally - not just LOLing - at your comments on each city. Most of which were accurate. But again, I am the good cop in this relationship.

Most underrated SBTB character? Leah Remini as Stacy Carosi. It's not even close.

Most overrated? Screech. Read his bio from the show website. His only real credits other than reality shows are SBTB, SBTB - The College Years and SBTB - The Next Class

Mr. Belding's brother Richie was annoying as well. I can't believe he ditched those kids.

Tonight in a very special Saved By The Bell the students of Bayside save the duck pond from an oil spill. It's a very special episode the whole family should watch as the Bayside gang take on big oil!

... Would work if only the show was on prime time.

I will live tweet SBTB with you. But we have to stop when they go to Hawaii. That is the jump,the shark moment. By the way, if I had to choose between watching a Malibu Sands episode of SBTB or a Carolina Panther game?  Panthers. But it's damn close!

Toodles my dear friend,

BC (@iambradstrong)

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Brad,

Night Shift WAS a great movie.  "That Barney Rubble, what an actor!"

I think we need to plan a trip to Foxwoods, but instead of gambling just live tweet the crap out of a Saved by the Bell marathon.  That would be a great weekend.  Oh, and booze.

From the top of my end, here are my five favorite episodes of SBTB:

5.  The two-parter when Jesse's evil twin brother moved to Bayside from NY.

4.  The Zack Attack episode

3.  The caffeine pill one with Jesse

2.  The volleyball match at Malibu Sands

1.  The one where the Hollywood star comes to Bayside to film an anti-drug commercial and offers the gang dope.

I am sure I am missing a few (Zack breaking his leg due to Belding comes to mind) but that is all for now.

Are you done talking yet so I can post this?

Auf Wiedersehen,

Brian

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My battery is on 6% and I'm getting into the car. Unless we want a very special episode of the ABC Back to School special about texting and driving then yes sir. I am done.

See you at Foxwoods. I will bring the Bourbon!