(To preview the upcoming season, Brad Coustan and I, Brian Stultz, will exchange emails to discuss our predictions for each conference. My (Brian Stultz) emails are in italics. Up now: NFC West.)
Let's just stay out west with the NFC West as our second preview of the day. AFC South and NFC South tomorrow. A few thoughts:
- I hate Seattle. I hate Pete Carroll. I think he is a cheater who knew the sanctions at USC were coming and ran out on his team as soon as he could. He recruited those players knowing he was leaving and letting them pay for his actions. He's a douche.
- I hate the 12th Man. It belongs to Texas A&M. The only redeeming quality about the Seahawks is that Fred Couples is a fan. That is the ONLY good quality they have. Get an original thought, Seattle!
- My hatred of the Seahawks is only bested by my hatred of the 49ers. The 49ers made me cry when I was 7 years old because of that damn Joe Montana and him driving them down for the winning touchdown to beat my Bengals in the Super Bowl. I hate his face.
- Carson Palmer is good for at least 9 six-picks this year. You know what's funny? He didn't want to play in Cincinnati anymore and THEN Cincinnati got good without him and he has had to play on the Raiders and the Cardinals since then. KARMA!
- Dear Scouts of the NFL: NEVER draft a QB from Oklahoma.
- Jeff Fisher has a great mustache!
- The Seahawks will be the only team from this division to make the playoffs. WRITE IT DOWN!
*Every win by a Pete Carroll coached team should have an asterisk beside it
5 Things I Like
1. Fred Couples liking the Seahawks
2. Patrick Peterson returning punts
3. Jim Harbaugh's khakis
4. The fact Candlestick no longer exists
5. Jeff Fisher's mustache
5 Things I Don't Like
1. Pete Carroll writing the book "Win Forever" and then leaving his USC players in the dust
2. Seattle fans acting like they are louder than an average SEC crowd. Put that same crowd in Death Valley in Baton Rouge and see how loud they are compared to drunk Cajuns!
4. The 49ers new stadium. It looks like a soccer pitch
5. The pit that is St. Louis
5 Players I Like
1. Seahawks D, although who knows with the new rules
2. Marshawn Lynch and his roped off car
3. Larry Fitzgerald
4. Whoever Kaepernick's back up is
5. Carlos Hyde
5 Players I Don't Like
1. Russell Wilson (did you READ the SI article? He seems to be a jerk.)
2. 49ers aging defense
3. Carson Palmer
4. Carson Palmer
5. Damn it, just realized I have Carson Palmer as one of my backup QB's
Tis your turn, my sire !
Brian, Brian, Brian
Why so down on Seattle. It's a great city. Very metropolitan. Home of coffee, grunge music and flying fish.
OK so they stole the 12th man thing from A&M. Give them a break. Someone stole an ENTIRE BASKETBALL TEAM FROM THEM! Let them have a nickname for goodness sakes.
As far as Pete Carroll leaving USC for greener, less regulated pastures - isn't that an NCAA tradition. Heck, Lou Holtz did it three times! Minnesota, Notre Dame and South Carolina. The NCAA rule book is so confusing it almost seems as if something Congress wrote. You know, the "we'll figure it out as we go along" approach.
About the only thing we agree on is Fisher's 'stache. There is something so "Stadlerian" about it. What a foursome! Jeff Fisher, Craig Stadler, Fred Couples and me.
Predicted Order of Finish
San Francisco 9-7
St. Louis 8-8
5 Things I Like
1. Jeff Fisher - all of him, not just the 'stache
2. Seahawks uniforms
3. The Cardinals (originally from St. Louis) are now in Arizona
4. ... and the Rams (originally from Los Angeles) are now in St. Louis
5. St. Louis BBQ
5 Things I Dislike
1. Harbaugh's khakis.. Yeah. Too many mentions for a pair of pants.
2. Seattle fans trying to be Raider fans
3. I agree - I want Candlestick back. Looking at these new stadiums is like when Sonny says to the undertaker in Godfather "Look what a mess they made a my boy!"
4. Nobody in this division being relevant anymore except Seattle
5. That Los Angeles doesn't have a football team
5 Players I Like
1. Yup, you heard me. Carson Palmer
2. Colin Kaepernick
3. Russell Wilson
4. The Arizona WRs
5. Kenny Britt
5 Players I Dislike
1. Marshawn Lynch
2. Vernon Davis
3. The Seattle WRs
4. The Seattle TEs
5. Jared Cook - had one big fantasy game for the Titans and all of the sudden everyone loves him.
Like I told one nice reader from Pittsburgh, I am not here to say nice things about cities. I am here to bash the hell out of them and tell each and every citizen why their town sucks. It is the Stultz way!
Lou Holtz is one of the many reasons I do not watch ESPN College Football coverage anymore. He's like a bad SNL character that has gone on for 20-plus years now. We lose people like James Gandolfini but Holtz remains? Unfair.
Did I tell you I know Fisher's son? He was in one of my classes last fall here at Auburn. He was a specials team player for the Tigers. He is a great guy. He needs to go a long way to have the mustache of his dad, though.
Did you also know that Fred Couples and Ryne Sandberg, two of my favorite people ever, were born less than a month apart in the state of Washington? That is the last good thing the state of Washington gave us except Washington State Cougar fans. They were awesome last year.
Pete Carroll is still a douche.
The Stultz way. Yes. Your ability to bash others is one of your greatest qualities.
Wouldn't that be funny on SNL? The Ambiguous Rule Follower or The Cheating Football Coach. And every time he would get caught it would be like "I'm an old man!" "What?" "I didn't know the rules" "OK, I will go get a job with the Jets. Or ESPN." He would kind of be like Jerry Seinfeld's Uncle Leo.
Ladies and Gentleman ... The NFC West. The most boring division in the NFL. Again. One good year. OK. Maybe two. But that's it. Moving on ... nothing to see here.
I'm still mad you think Fred Couples would rather be in a foursome with you than he would with me. That's fighting words!
You are right. Let's move on!