AFC East Predictions

(To preview the upcoming season, Brad Coustan and I, Brian Stultz, will exchange emails to discuss our predictions for each conference.  My (Brian Stultz) emails are in italics.  Up now:  AFC East.)

Brad,

Hope you are back from vacation and ready to dig deeper into our preseason predictions.  We have a lot of work to do before the season starts on Thursday.

Now, let's do the AFC East.  (Well, not DO them, but make our predictions.  I will save the doing for Rex Ryan's wife's feet.)

PREDICTED FINISH

1.  Patriots (11-5)

2.  Dolphins (8-8)

3.  Jets (7-9)

4.  Bills (4-12)

Is there any way the Patriots don't win this division?  When your main competition is led by Ryan Tannehill, it is pretty easy sailing.  Also, GENO SMITH?  And Vick is happy with being the back up to Geno Smith?  This world is starting to not make sense.

5 Things I Like About the AFC East

1.  Tom Brady is still Tom Brady, I suppose.  How old is he now?  I get the feeling football just doesn't mean as much to him as it did 10 years ago.

2.  Sammy Watkins is awesome.

3.  Revis is now on the Patriots?  I had NO CLUE.  When did this happen?  I drink too much.

4.  The amount of sad people wearing Lebron jerseys that will be in the Dolphin's stadium.

5.  NO FIREMAN ED AGAIN!  That guy is the absolute worst

5 Things I Don't Like About the AFC East

1.  The Patriots should have the division wrapped up by late November.

2.  Buffalo in general.  I try to explain to people in the south that upstate New York is just as redneck as parts of Alabama.  They don't believe me.

3.  The Jets are the Jets.

4.  The Dolphins are the Dolphins.

5.  Fireman Ed

5 Guys I Like

1.  Gronk

2.  Brady

3.  Gronk

4.  Gronk

5.  Gronk

5 Guys I Don't Like

1.  Geno Smith

2.  Ryan Tannehill

3.  EJ Manuel

4.  Whoever will start at quarterback for the Bills, Dolphins or Jets

5.  Their receivers

What say you, Bradley Coustan?

Brian

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Rex Ryan no longer has a fetish for his wife's feet now that he can see his own.

Predicted AFC East Finish

Patriots - 13-3

Jets - 9-7

Fins - 7-9

Bills - 2-13-1

... and you thought I was going for symmetry. Shame on you.

Geno Smith isn't that bad. He had 5 games of 30 plus fantasy points last year.  By the way - that's when the world starts not making sense. Have another beer and a shot. Then it REALLY starts making sense.

As far as Ryan Tannehill goes - he was sacked more times last year than   Jennifer Aniston. I don't even know if that makes sense.

He was sacked more times than William Hung on American Idol. What does that even mean?

He was sacked more times than ... Tiger Woods on Ladies night at Perkins. Now THATS comedy!

5 Things I Like:

1.  Rex Ryan - always entertaining, always inappropriate and the best football coach in the division. You heard me Belichick!

2.  Stevan Ridley - shoot me. It's am obsession.

3.  Watching EJ Manuel try to be an NFL QB will be great humor

4.  The Patriots first round playoff exit

5.  Nothing else

5 Things I Hate:

1.  Bill Belichick - the most overrated coach in NFL history

2.  Jets fans - you know they all work for Giants fans

3.  That the Dolphins got off too easy for the Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin stuff

4.  Sammy Watkins catching passes from EJ Manuel

5.  Jets fans

Guys I Like

Brady

Gronk

Geno

Vereen

Ridley

Guys I Don't Like

EJ

CJ (Spiller)

Decker

Any Buffalo WR

Ridley

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A Jennifer Aniston joke?  Is this 1997?  Will Rachel and Ross end up together?  Will Clinton get impeached?  What is this inter webs thing everyone is talking about?

The Patriots winning 13 games is pretty damn bold.  Of course, I can definitely see them going 6-0 in the division.

As far as Rex Ryan, fondling your own feet are not as sexually pleasing as playing with someone else's.  Of course, I don't let anyone touch my feet.  I hate feet.

All this talk about feet has me flabbergasted now.  Thanks for ruining my Labor Day!

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My aversion to feet only slightly rivals my number one aversion to pooping in a public restroom.

I spent 1 1/2 hours in the men's room at the Huntington Hilton two weeks ago and have never been the same again. Of course, neither has the Hilton.

Happy Labor Day!

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I am never staying in a Hilton ever again.

Marriott Forever!