I apologize for the delay in getting you the advice you so badly need heading into Week 30 of the EPL season. I have been on vacation this week and lounging poolside every day while enjoying drinks with little umbrellas in them. (I ask for all of my drinks, even bourbon, to come with a flowery umbrella in it while on vacation.) With a full slate of matches this week, let's dive (or in Bremen's Aaron Hunt's case, dive and then apologize for diving) into who to start and who to sit.
- Leighton Baines (Everton) - I feel as if Baines is old enough to be my father. I am not sure why. HOWEVER, he is still in good form. (VERDICT: PLAY)
- Robert Huth (Stoke City) - At least he's not the German player that rubbed his package against a taxi cab this week. (VERDICT: BENCH)
- Ashley Williams (Swansea City) - It pains me that teams like Swansea are staying up and Fulham are getting relegated. I don't like it at all. (VERDICT: PLAY)
- Mesut Ozil (Arsenal) - I sort of felt bad watching Ozil play against all his buddies at Bayern Munich on Tuesday. He had the look on his face that said, "Guys, REALLY, I want to play with YOU, not with this bunch of lads who couldn't strike a ball into the ocean if they had to. PICK ME NEXT!" (VERDICT: BENCH)
- Steve Sidwell (Fulham) - I'm sticking with him baby!!! (VERDICT: PLAY)
- Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) - Oh, how much Steven wants to go into Old Trafford and put a dagger in the Red Devils season. He lives for these moments. (VERDICT: PLAY)
- Mouse Dembele (Tottenham Hotspur) - Good for you, you wanker. (VERDICT: PLAY)
- Juan Mata (Manchester United) - You would think he would be frustrated by now. (VERDICT: BENCH)
- Sebastian Larsson (Sunderland) - They MUST win this game to have any chance to stay up. STULTZ GUARANTEE OF THE WEEK!
- Luis Suarez (Liverpool) - He's getting a brace. AT LEAST. I sense this will be a complete shellacking at Old Trafford. (VERDICT: PLAY)
- Clint Dempsey (
Fulham) - Wow, he was so great for my Cottagers during his loan spell. He gave the word "epic fail" a whole new meaning. Good riddance. Enjoy Seattle and their hipsters.
- Andre Schurrle (Chelsea) - Just because I like him MUCH more than Hazard to not completely choke. (VERDICT: PLAY)
- Gary Hooper (Norwich City) - Does he REALLY belong on an EPL side? (VERDICT: BENCH)
- Robin van Persie and Wayne Rooney (Manchester United) - Poor guys. Need a hug? (VERDICT: BENCH)
- Roberto Soldado (Tottenham Hotspur) - RIP ARSENAL'S HEART OUT ROBERTO! (VERDICT: PLAY)
As always, feel free to Tweet me (@brianjstultz) or email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) with any comments, questions or ideas. I will be enjoying my last couple of days of vacation by watching the matches this weekend and streaming the Fulham game while I still can before next year. Have a great weekend!