clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

2015 Loser Series: Atlanta Braves Pitcher Mike Minor

While Ray gives out his sleepers, I give out my losers.

Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

(While Ray gives out his sleepers for the year, I have decided to pick one player from each MLB team as the worst player on that team.  While this has nothing to do with fantasy and I wouldn't recommend actually taking my advice not to pick these players, my picks are more to do with personal matters.  First up: the Atlanta Braves.)

Sure, it would be quite easy to have B.J. Upton as the worst current Atlanta Brave, but that would be lazy, and I am sure everyone else has already written about how bad Upton has been.  Therefore, he is not my pick.

My pick is Mike Minor for several reasons.

First, he has the funkiest delivery since Tim Robbins in Bull Durham.  (His performance almost ruins the movie for me.)  Seriously Mike, what the hell are you doing?  Did you not watch Tom Glavine growing up?  His delivery was smoother than me on a first date.  Glavine was so smooth that you wanted him to pick you up, carry you into bed and make love to you all night.  That is how awesome his delivery was back then.  Yours, however, reminds me of the first time I watched the HBO show Oz: awkward feelings occurred.

Your 2014 record doesn't exactly inspire confidence in fantasy owners either.  We are all aware that the Braves went into a tailspin at the end of the year, but there is no excuse for just winning six games to 12 losses.  That is quite pathetic.  Oh, and let's not even discuss your 1.44 WHIP, because I have no idea what the hell that means.  I am sure it is awful, though.

Sure, you were late coming to the rotation this year due to a preseason procedure (say that five times real fast!), but excuses are not accepted around these parts.  Remember in Oz when Christopher Meloni cracked a guy's neck, ultimately killing him?  Yeah, that happened because that guy tried to make excuses.  Let's not let that happen.

Finally, and this is your worst offense of all, you cost me a beer in a bet multiple times to my friend Keith.  His theory is that you always give up one solo homerun in a game.  My theory is that he is full of crap and that he was going to buy me a beer for being so full of crap.  You know what, though?  He was right!  YOU ALWAYS GIVE UP A SOLO HOMERUN!  You cost me, like, 10 beers this past season.  Sure, I could have started to see a trend and stopped betting, but what is the fun in that?

So, Mr. Minor, I am proud to present you with the first annual Worst Brave of the Year Award.  There is no monetary prize or trophy, but the knowledge that you are, in fact, horrible.