I'm going off the grid for this one.
That grid is overrated. And Isiah Thomas is probably the GM. (Better to quit while you're ahead.)
I've decided to intersperse my requisite 'bust' article with many things I hate about the NBA. (And related tangents.)
Of the players I list, you can draft some of them – but not at their current ADPs. In some cases, you’ve got some sell high candidates (well, as high as possible anyway).
Either way, I’m highlighting the risks, the brand name losers, the teams to stay away from and some random misanthropes.
It’s like that girl in your chemistry class (no pun intended). She looks so pretty, and her hair is so nice. Then you talk to her ex-BFF, and you discover her father is in prison for killing her previous 4 boyfriends.
Do your research.
Don’t let those 4 fictional boyfriend characters die in vain.
You’ve been warned.
1. David Lee
Lowest PER (19.1) in 4 years – despite 2nd highest USG % (24.3) of his career. The David Lee party is over. Don’t be the guy that vomits in the plants in the morning… (He will still have value, but this is a declining asset.)
Sort of the bizarro David Lee, AI posted a career high effective FG % (.548), but lowest USG % (13.3) since his rookie year. He’ll be highly productive when he sits on the bench...
3. The 2013 draft class
It’s still early, but there are no clear superstars from this draft class of underachievers. A few rotation players are rising from the ashes, but I see lots of guys trying to stave off the much more promising 2014 draft class… If you joined your first dynasty league last year, I’m sorry.
4. Greg Monroe
Remember when Greg Monroe was the hottest rookie in the NBA? He doesn’t either. As Drummond beasts, Monroe falls. Dude needs a trade.
What the hell are these guys doing? Seriously. It’s like those dances you went to in grade 7 – with girls on one side, boys on the other. Everybody on this team is either really old or really young. I guess somebody needs to push the wheelchairs…
6. Kevin Martin
Would you want to be the oldest guy on the team during a rebuild?
7. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist
#2 overall. Ouch. Another Jordan fail.
8. Rajon Rondo
Where would Rondo’s career have ended up if he didn’t have Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen around him? We’re about to find out…
9. Rudy Gay
Rudy, do something. Please. You make $18 million this year. Lots of usage, poor efficiency. He's worth taking in Fantasy, but expect less out of Rudy...
10. Tyreke Evans
Rookie of the year. That was cute…
11. Nets' payroll
Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov is a magician: He can effortlessly turn millions of dollars in luxury tax ($90 million+) into a complete piece of crap. At least they can start rebuilding in 2030 – when they finally hold on to one of their 1st round picks… (It's possible they could string together a respectable squad, but they're one Brook Lopez injury away from missing the playoffs.)
12. Chandler Parsons
20 pounds of muscle too much, beefing with coach already. Chandler is perfectly setting himself up for an epic fail. James Harden’s Twitter account is ready…
13. Brand name losers
Here are some former All-Stars that should be clearly on your DO NOT DRAFT list: Danny Granger, Andrew Bynum, Hedo Turkoglu (never actually an All-Star, but should've been), Amare Stoudemire. Let the guy who hasn’t followed basketball since 2008 take them. There’s always one of those guys in every casual league…
14. Donald Sterling
Biggest douche in NBA history? Likely.
15. NFL bastards
While not really relevant to the NBA, those criminals really make the NBA players look like a bunch of Boy Scouts.
16. Foreign sensations
How many times has a foreign ‘sensation’ failed? A lot. Here are a few from the last few years as amusement. You can use them as swear words in your office: Vesely, Thabeet, Jianlian, Ajinca, Beaubois.
17. Josh Smith
Career lows in every advanced statistical category last year. Get off this train.
18. Phoenix Suns’ point guards
They’re all awesome, and yet, I’m not sure GM Ryan McDonough realizes you’re only supposed to play ONE PG at a time? Oh yeah, they drafted PG Tyler Ennis in the first round. Good call, guys.
19. Paul George’s leg
Literally a bust. Too soon? (I dare you to watch this.)
Worst franchise in the NBA. Yes, that’s a joke. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.
21. Miami Heat ‘fans’ from the last 4 years
Who will they root for now, I wonder? I would have said OKC, but KD just got injured. So maybe they’ll join that bandwagon in December…
22. The Minnesota Timberwolves franchise
I actually liked their moves this offseason, but the T-Wolves always find a way to screw it all up. Maybe KG cast a spell when he left?
23. Fantasy managers in dynasty leagues who traded their 1st round picks this year
Bad call, my brothers. One of the deepest drafts in NBA history…
24. Austin Rivers
He’s pretty bad. I wonder what happens at Christmas when his dad starts talking about his ring?
25. The crappy siblings
I’m looking at you Seth Curry, Taylor Griffin and Chris Smith. Just join the entourage already, and make it official.
So that was my bust article.
Mean-spirited in sections, flat out hilarious in others (I hope), but I got you thinking…
Don’t say I didn’t.
Otherwise, you’re excommunicated from our famous brother posse. (And JR Smith got it in his contract that the Knicks ALWAYS pick up our bar tab.)
And these boys can DRINK.
I mean, what the hell else are they gonna do?