For some reason, puns became the end all, be all of sports reporting. It becomes especially terrifying when the sports man or girl's name is so inherently punny. I went to high school with a girl named Ai, pronounced just like "I" or "eye." She had a brother, and yes, his name was "Yu." Yu and Ai, brother and sister here in America, now that's just plain funny.
From the time that Darvish had gone from about 7 perfect innings to 8.2 perfect innings to not 9 perfect innings, the puns were endless and pretty much emphasized one thing: His name is like "You!" Do you have any idea how many times we have come up with a phrase that included the word "you"? You do now.
"Astros: Yu Can't Always Get What Yu Want" - @TrippingOlney
"No soup for Yu!" - @kylefeldscher
"YU MAD?" - @HunterLJohnson
"Yu win some, Yu lose some, etc." - @Zach_Greenwell
"HE'S ONLY YU-MAN (from @plizott9)" - @darrenrovell
(Snagged all of those from the USAToday article linked above)
Ahhhh.. his name is Yu Darvish, we English speakers also have a word that sounds just like it. The real question isn't whether or not we should credit someone like Kyle Feldscher for saying "No soup for Yu!" or if we should spread the love around to the other 98,216 people to say it. Or that it was probably said many times last year, or even when he was in Japan, because his name has always been Yu Darvish, as far as I know.
I love puns. Puns are a lowest-common denominator type of humor on one level, but on entirely 'nother level they are the purest form of wordplay and humor. Were you not eggstatic to read the Sunday comics as a child or last Sunday? And if ESPN returns my calls, I could write them 500 headlines by 9 PM because that's what they do and that's what I can do. Punny headlines are awful, they are so awfully terrible that they are awfully amazing. Sometimes.
For that reason, I'm just gonna blow it up and pre-write the headlines for all of Thursday's pitchers in major league baseball, regardless of the outcome. Pun right after the other.
Travis Wood, Cubs - Wood, You Rather
James McDonald, Pirates - Old McDonald Has An Arm
Rick Porcello, Tigers - Even Yo-Yo Ma Would Be Proud Of This Por-Cello
Mike Pelfrey, Twins - No Bats In This Pelfrey
Joe Blanton, Angels - Joe Blanton Pitches Today
Bronson Arroyo, Reds - Angels Are Perfect Strangers To Bronson's Pitch-o's
Eric Stults, Padres - Not The Guy That Was Once Marty McFly, But Close, Wins Game
Dillon Gee, Mets - Did The Mets Win? Oh Gee, I Don't Know
Jeremy Guthrie, Royals - It's One, Two, Gu-Thrie Strikes You're Out (Not many strikeout today though)
Gavin Floyd, White Sox - She's Gavin a Baby
Miguel Gonzalez, Orioles - Miguel-o Operator: Give Me Number Nine Innings
Roberto Hernandez, Rays - Who's The Boss Of This Car-Mona: Not So Fausto, It's Roberto Hernandez
Brandon Maurer, Mariners - Maurer? I Hardly Know 'Rer
A.J. Griffin, Athletics - A.J. Closes The Griffin-door on the Mariners
Wade LeBlanc, Marlins - LeBlanc'd
Jordan Zimmermann, Nationals - Zimmer Down Now
Ryan Dempster, Red Sox - Dempster Baby: Red Sox Win
Andy Pettitte, Yankees - Heavy Pettitte-ing As Yankees Get Touchy Feely
Brett Myers, Indians - He's Your Secret Brett-Myers'er
Mark Buerhle, Blue Jays - Greatest Canadian Hero: Buerhle-ve It Or Not, Jays Win
Cliff Lee, Phillies - Phil-Lee's Win: That's All I Got
Kris Medlen, Braves - You Damn Upton Kids Are Always Medlen In My Business
Sorry ESPN for stealin' ya headlines. Don't ever try to pundermine me again.