MLB Predictions: 30 haikus for the forthcoming season, AL edition

I am not claiming to be a poet.

Baltimore Orioles -

The moon rises again

Chris Davis steps up to the plate

Strike three, you are out

Boston Red Sox -

"Give them money," he said

It changes to "Get rid of them!"

Contender again

New York Yankees -

"Give them money!" he said

"More money! More money!" continued

Too big too fail, perhaps

Tampa Bay Rays -

Compete with Wal-Mart?

Mother and father concerned

Business thrives unexpected

Toronto Blue Jays -

Make a big old splash

But remember Biggie's words:

Mo' money, mo' problems

Chicago White Sox -

Konerko? Adam Dunn?

The wind blows out, no question

Boring playoff run

Cleveland Indians -

Remember good times

The nineties are long gone, sigh

Seinfeld, Friends, Cleveland

Detroit Tigers -

Baby boy into the world

First day of school, it is fun

Next, you're a Tiger

Kansas City Royals -

This can not fail, right?

This can't possibly fail, right?

Oh man, what the hell!

Minnesota Twins -

Eddie Murphy, Golden Child

It's not like he's bad at all

But this really bombed

Houston Astros -

Very few make it

Only the best of the best

Your Houston Astros!

Los Angeles Angels -

Willy Wonka's place

But daddy, I want it now!

Then Veruca Salt dies

Oakland Athletics -

Tell a Brad Pitt joke

Nobody mentions Jonah

Fat guys finish last

Seattle Mariners -

Let's try this again

Veterans, defense, Felix

Let's try this again...

Texas Rangers -

One less superstar

A young shortstop emerges

Trades! Wonderful trades!

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If you follow him

Your life will not get better

But his will, pathetic