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Fantasy EPL: Non All-Star Team

We saw the All-Star team earlier, let's take a look at a starting XI of the absolute worst players thus far...I present to you, the Non-All Star Team...or simply #TeamSuck

Osvaldo's reaction when we told him he's on #TeamSuck
Osvaldo's reaction when we told him he's on #TeamSuck
Clive Rose

If you missed it, the all-star team can be found here: Fantasy EPL All-Star Team

Now, let's take a look at the worst performers and put them together on the same team because we're evil like that.

Quick disclaimer: To qualify for #TeamSuck a player must have played in at least 6 of the 11 games played so far or played a total of 500 minutes.


Keiren Westwood from Sunderland! Congratulations, Keiren. You not only have a ridiculously sounding girlish name, but you also suck at being a goal keeper. Westwood is the proud owner of a whopping ZERO clean sheets and has conceded 22 goals thus far in just 10 games played. 22 goals in 10 games! Damn, son. Keiren was replaced by ex-Arsenal backup keeper Vito Mannone in the 43rd minute against Hull City due to injury. Mannone started the next game against Manchester City and helped keep a clean sheet in Sunderland's upset victory. Awkwarddddd. In one game and a half, Mannone has 8 fantasy points, while Westwood has a total of 19 fantasy points in 10 games. I truly hope you recover from your injury soon, Keiren. In the meantime, you are the starting keeper for #TeamSuck. Congrats, mate!


Fernando Amorebieta - Fulham

Amorebieta did not play in Fulham's first three games of the season, but he has featured in every single game since then. Martin Jol might want to reconsider that. Amorebieta has compiled a grand total of 8 fantasy points. For those of you keeping score at home, that's an average of 1 point per game. That's really, really, bad. It's not all his fault, though. Fulham sucks, so that really doesn't help him at all. He has been on the pitch for 14 goals scored against him. Eight games played, 14 goals conceded. Did I mention Fulham sucks?

John O'Shea - Sunderland

Hey, it's Sunderland again! O'Shea's highlight of the season so far was the upset his team pulled off against Manchester City. That victory and clean sheet awarded O'Shea 7 fantasy points. He now has a total of 15 fantasy points for the season. Yeah, it's quite clear how bad Sunderland has been this season. O'Shea has one game with negative points and three games where he finished with zero points. Next up for Sunderland: Stoke City. Definitely a favorable match up for O'Shea and his squad.

Joel Ward - Crystal Palace

Ward edged out Martin Olsson from Norwich for the final spot in the starting XI. Both players have 15 fantasy points but, Ward has a) played in more games and b) conceded more goals. Ward has been on the pitch for 17 of Palace's 21 goals allowed. His best game was Palace's most recent match against Everton which ended 0-0, awarding Joel with 6 fantasy points.


Scott Parker - Fulham

Scott Parker is pretty bad at regular football. He's even worse in fantasy. He has a total of 14 fantasy points so far and has collected 3 yellow cards. He does not have a single game where he scored more than 2 fantasy points. Fulham have conceded 19 goals this season, Scott Parker has been on the pitch for 17 of those 19 goals. As a midfielder, we like to see some goals and/or assists, Parker doesn't have a single goal or assist to his name. Yeah, stay away from Scott Parker.

Tom Cleverley - Manchester United

Cleverley was once a promising young kid with high hopes to be the next best thing in English football. How's that working out? Not so great. Cleverley has 13 fantasy points on the season, no goals, no assists, and his value is slowly diminishing as time goes by.

Kagisho Dikgacoi - Crystal Palace

Who? Yeah, I don't know either. He plays for Crystal Palace. They suck and so does he. The End.

Jose Canas - Swansea City

Canas featured heavily for The Swans early in the season, but he has not seen much of the pitch lately at all. He meets the requirements to be included here with 515 minutes played, though. Canas has 12 fantasy points on the season, and he might be stuck at that for the rest of the season if he doesn't get himself back on the pitch.


Danny Graham - Hull City

Danny moved from Sunderland to Hull City. In other words, he moved from crap to crappier. His season long loan at Hull is not going as expected for the veteran striker. He is losing minutes to Yannick Sagbo, and the minutes he is getting, he's wasting. He has yet to find the back of the net and doesn't have an assist either. He sits at 13 fantasy points right now and it's hard to see him make any significant improvements.

Jozy Altidore - Sunderland

There were high hopes for the American coming into this season. Afterall, he was coming off a remarkable campaign in the Eredivisie where he set the Dutch league on fire with 23 goals. However, in his second stint in the EPL, Jozy is once again struggling to hit the back of the net. Altidore is yet to score a goal in league play and only has one assist so far. Obviously, Sunderland were expecting much more and hopefully now that they have stability with Gus Poyet as manager, they can find a way to get the big American firing. For now, take your place in #TeamSuck, Jozy.

Pablo "Dani" Osvaldo - Southampton

Osvaldo is finding it difficult to adapt to the EPL. He only has one goal and one assist so far, both of which came in the same game on September 28th against Crystal Palace. Since then, Osvaldo has been very quiet. Luckily for Osvaldo and his team, his poor form has not hindered Southampton at all. They are enjoying a spectacular run of form right now and currently sit in 3rd place.

Here you have it folks: #TeamSuck

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Is there someone you feel should be on here that isn't? Don't be shy, let us know in the comments or on twitter.

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