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Fake Teams "All Follicle" Team

It's interesting to look back through the history of baseball and look at how good, bad or interesting some of the hairstyles shape the characters of the game. While some of them are groundbreaking and era correct, they just look out of place. So I made an all time team of outstanding contributions to the art of grooming, or ungroomed in some cases. This is a functional list so the player must have been good while having their style come to the forefront. Now I know next to nothing about hair styling so I brought in renowned stylist to the stars, Roberge St. Jacque, to help me critique the styles. He comes to us all the way from New Jersey which is the fashion capitol of the Mid-Atlantic states. So enjoy your look through the annuls of my all follical team.


Darren Daulton

For a two year stretch "Dutch" was the best catcher in baseball. He led the Phillies both on and off the field. Even leading the Phillies to the World Series in 1993. A great number 6 hitter here for me.

St. Jacque - It is a feathered glory of both business and pleasure. It all falls so natural so there are no products in there it is his masculinity that makes it stay. He could most definitely be my catcher any day.

First Base

Keith Hernandez

Was a pivotal member of the 86 miracle Mets. He is considered one of the greatest defensive 1B in history. Sporting a career 296 BA so he was no slouch with the stick either. Keith will slot in nicely at the 3 spot in my lineup.

St. Jacque - He looks very kept and I don't watch baseball but I know him from that Jerry show. The jet black hair is very primped and pronounced on his mustache, it is saying " Hey you got a light".

More all time team after the jump.

Second Base

Bobby Grich

Bobby was a stalwart second sacker during the 70's and early 80's. He won 4 gold gloves and amassed over 1800 career hits. I can't think of a better 2 hole hitter that offers both offense and defense while playing second base than Bobby.

St. Jacque - What can I say, his hair is lite and fluffy and that mustache looks like two little hairy hyphens jumping off the picture saying hello. An absolute son of the disco era and I love it.


Jose Reyes

Jose is a speedster with a great knack for the disabled list. He plays a above average shortstop and has a cannon for his position. He has been to 4 AS games and led the NL in batting in 2011. Jose will be my catalyst at the top of the order.

St. Jacque - He is cute as button, hair all perfect and even length. I am a fan of dread locks and he pulls it off divinely.

Third Base

Mike Schmidt

Michael Jack is the greatest 3B to ever play the game. Argue what you want but he had power and defense. Won a title in 1980 with the phillies and is a Hall of Famer. He is my clean up hitter on this team.

St. Jacque - He has a mix of feathery goodies creeping out and some more of those fuzzy hyphens I like. His hair is tempered yet subtle, He is a man that knows what he wants and he gets it.


Oscar Gamble Bake McBride

Manny Ramirez

What more can I say about Bake and Oscar here they are here because this is the all time hair team. Love the afro's and they will play well in my OF as bottom of the order guys. Manny is a different story. One of the greatest right handed hitters of all time. A proven run producer and HR threat he gives nice protection to Schmitty at the 5 spot in the line up.

St. Jacque - I am at a lose for words with this triumvirate of guys. I, like Smokey, love the afro. The look so bushy and fun creeping out from under their hats. Nothing says dedication like a well picked and manicured afro. This Manny guy has very thick and heavy dreads they must weigh 20 lbs, i like that they are scraggly looking gives him personality.

Starting Pitcher

Randy Johnson

The greatest LH pitcher of this last generation. #00 wins 4800 K's he is my ace. Plus he has a mullet and is probably the most intimidating pitcher I have ever seen in person. A must have for this team.

St. Jacque - He is all party coming out the back and he is a very scary looking person. Love the curls as the accentuate the positive here that he is dedicated to his mullet.


Rod Beck

There are too many obvious choices here. Beck is a serviceable closer on a stacked offensive team. Over 300 career saves and look that just won't quit. He is here to add some flavor to an already ecclectic bunch of hair all stars.

St. Jacque - I think I am in love he has a little bit of everything an nice pun-am with a nice upper lip arraignment of fluffy goodness. The hair is all party. This is a guy I want to bring home to mom.

So my lineup would be

1. Jose Reyes

2. Bobby Grich

3. Keith Hernandez

4. Mike Schmidt

5. Manny Ramirez

6.Darren Daulton

7. Bake Mcbride

8. Oscar gamble

P - Randy Johnson

RP- Rod Beck

So for both functionality of a team and hair-do's I think its a pretty decent looking team. Hope you enjoyed it. Please add comments or pictures of your favorite guys all time that would fit into this.