In the style of a Jay Leno monologue:
Have you guys heard of this Pedro Florimon? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?
Apparently, Florimon is a 24-year-old shortstop for the Twins that has 113 at-bats this season. Yeah, yeah, that's right. He's only hitting .248/.323/.354 with 2 home runs and very few people even know he's a baseball player. The Twins say he fits right in.
Speaking of the Twins, one of Florimon's teammates is Aaron Hicks and he would be a familiar name around the prospect circles after spending years as a high-potential athlete that just never clicked but now he's a rookie in the majors with 158 at-bats. Of course, he's hitting .165/.240/.323 so Aaron Hicks is still waiting for it to Aaron Click. If Hicks wants any advice though he could always go to 39-year-old teammate Jamey Carroll. With 13 home runs in 3,533 career at-bats, nobody knows better than Carroll on how to stick in the majors without talent.
Okay enough about the Twins. Wake up! Wake up!
Have you guys heard of this Elliot Johnson? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?
Apparently, Johnson is a 29-year-old second baseman for the Royals that has 73 at-bats this season. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Johnson came over to Kansas City along with James Shields and Wade Davis in the Wil Myers trade last winter. The team says that Johnson was a critical part of the trade, because they wouldn't approve a deal of players to the Royals unless one of them was completely awful at the plate. Johnson is hitting .247/.267/.301 and fulfilling his end of the bargain.
If Johnson needs a mentor he could always turn to 39-year-old teammate Miguel Tejada. Though he's not the hitter he once was, Tejada is hitting .297/.350/.486 in limited at-bats. When asked what the hardest part about playing baseball at his age is as compared to when he was younger, Tejada replied: "The lack of steroids."
the lack of steroids
Apparently, Gillaspie is a 25-year-old third baseman that was acquired over the offseason from the Giants. The swap between the two teams of Gillaspie for Jeff Soptic was considered "The Trade of the Century." Yeah, the 18th century!
(Cue The Tonight Show Band plays a little beat and then we would normally see Kevin Eubanks laughing his ass off but apparently he left so we're left with Rickey Minor. Have you guys heard of this Rickey Minor? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this?)
If Gillaspie ever wants any financial advice he could turn to teammate Jeff Keppinger. The 33-year-old veteran is with his seventh major league baseball team after signing a 3-year/$12 million contract with Chicago in the offseason. Hitting .223/.229/.263 in 175 at-bats, Keppinger said he could think of 12 million reasons as to why he could probably still play another two years.
And finally, have you guys heard of this Alex Avila? Have you heard about this? Have you seen this? Of course, everyone is familiar with the Tigers catcher but did you see that he's now down to .175/.261/.286 just two years after his All-Star breakout season. Yeah, yeah, that's right.
The team said that rather than demote him to triple-A though, they'll likely just send him right down to the 2003 Tigers. Alright thanks everybody we got a great show for you tonight. Tom Hanks is here! From the "hit" NBC comedy Whitney, it's Whitney Cummings! And then Vampire Weekend will be playing, come right back and follow Kenneth on Twitter!