Roses are red
Love her the most
If you blow Thursday
Your rear-end is toast
Good morning. Thank you for starting your day with us, here at Fake Teams. We try to provide the best advice we can, all year long, to give you the opportunity to win your fantasy baseball league. For your part, you read our work, pour over your spreadsheets, and scour team websites, all in an effort to give yourself the advantage you need to bring home that flag, and taste that sweet Yoo-Hoo shower. As a small token of our gratitude, we would like to remind you that, of all the days of the year, the most important one, for a fantasy baseball player, is this Thursday, February 14; Valentine's Day. If you, yes you, do not make Valentine's Day, a wonderful day, for your special someone, over the next 364 days you will endure a fate that you would not wish on anyone, even that guy in your league who won't trade you Trout.
Think I'm joking? You invest countless hours in the off-season to get ready for your drafts, then invest just as many hours during the season, trying to determine how much FAAB to bid on an obscure shortstop that you heard, from a guy, who knows a guy, who delivers pizza to a guy, who heard a rumor, that this player, currently in tee ball, will be the next Tulowitzki. You forget birthdays and anniversaries, and the only reason you remembered Christmas is because you had to get up from the couch, so she could move it, to make room for the tree. Sound familiar, or is is worse? If you like your coffee in a cup, and not your lap, if you prefer to sleep inside the house, and not under the deck, and if you want to comfortably sit in the recliner, as opposed to the "sitting difficulty" you will have because she found a place, other than the refrigerator, to store your Miller Lite, you will get your act together for Valentine's Day.
Don't know what to do? The Fake Teams folks are here for you. First, there are two things you cannot do. One: Do not ask her for ideas. She needs to think whatever you do, is your idea. Two: You may not stop by the grocery store, on Thursday, on your way home from work, to pick up flowers and candy. (They will be out) Don't worry about not having ideas. Ideas, are the easiest part of Valentine's Day. Just ask your female coworkers what you should do. They will love helping you, if for no other reason than to keep you alive until Friday, so you can tell them all about it.
That's it. Good luck. And, if you decide to not heed the advice given here, at least make the proper provisions, in your Will, for your dynasty team.