If you're a dork like me, you've watched and will continue to watch the new HBO series Game of Thrones. I have not read the books, but I think the general idea is that there are some families that are trying to rule all of some place not named Middle Earth.
In fantasy baseball, there is also a constant struggle going on for supremacy as the worlds most powerful king of the far off distant land; Rotonasia.
For many years now, the great and powerful King Albert Pujolsian has ruled over Rotonasia with an iron bat. Many have come for his crown, but few could dare to hold it for longer than a fleeting moment. Indeed, Pujolsian has been a cruel and unmerciful leader who dare not give up his crown. Albert himself claims that he will rule for another decade, into his late 30's much like his predecessor Barry "the Head" Bondolian, who fell from glory after his magic potion was taken from him.
There can only be 3 challengers for the throne at any given time. The one that will be the "King of Rotonasia" and it is indeed a bloody battle that will continue all season. Let's take a look at the challengers.
King Albert Pujolsian of Middle West.
Pujolsian is much happier to be king than he was to be "Prince Albert" Indeed, it drew many snickers and laughs from even the peons. (Whom he would later behead)
Pujolsian has held this crown for so long because he has carried a heavy stick. The son of a farmer, Pujolsian came from meager beginnings. A warrior who was largely overlooked when the army was looking for new men, he was selected after many other less capable knights.
However he's been amazing on the battlefield. Career line: .330/.424/.623, 415 home runs, 1921 hits, 427 doubles. Indeed, he's one of the greatest kings who has ever lived. While many challengers will point to his .250 batting average as a sign the king is weak, look no further than his league leading 7 mammoth home runs. The king is still strong.
For the week: .238/.320/.667, 3 HR, 7 RBI, 5 R
Challenger, The Hanley Ramirezon Clan from the South.
Ramirezon entered battle at a young age. Feeling spurned by the evil Red Sox of the Northeast, Ramirezon swore to take his revenge out on the entire land until he owned it all. The wiry young man was full of fire, and used his speed and strength to make his mark.
He displayed his strength by averaging 25 home runs per season. He displayed his speed by averaging 39 stolen bases. His keen eye with a .311/.383/.515 career line. And he did it all from a position of weakness; shortstop. Not since False God Alex Rodriguezel has anyone been so valuable from the shortstop position.
The year has not been kind to Ramirezon, and he is in grave danger of falling behind. He has hit just .194/.315/.258 with no home runs, 3 stolen bases, and 4 runs. If he hopes to hold off his enemies, he will need to do better than that.
For the week: .100/.250/.150, 3 RBI, 2 SB
Challenger, The Tulowitzki Clan from the West, led by Tulo the Great.
Tulowitzki, or "The Tulos" hail from the cold, snowy Rocky Mountains. The Mountain People are fierce, drunken bastards who fear no man. And The Tulos lead them all. Hell-bent on ruling the world, the barbarians come into villages and often rape and pillage with wreck-less abandon, leaving mothers weeping and fathers distraught (if alive)
Tulo the Great is perhaps too young and naive to understand the power of Pujolsian, as he has crept up on the world and placed his mark to be the next great king of Rotonasia. Though his career numbers don't seem as powerful as the others, don't be fooled. Often hurt in battle, Tulo has found himself hurt and unable to acquire the healing potion from the goblin until it is too late. Last year, he managed just 122 battles. But in those battles, he was one of the fiercest warriors, putting up 27 home runs and a .315 average.
This year he has been unkind to his challengers. .338/.438/.716 with 7 home runs, 15 RBI, 15 R, 2 SB.
Indeed the young Tulo the Great could be the next King.
For the week: .273/.333/.364, 0 HR, 1 RBI, 3 R, 2 SB
Challenger, Ryan the Brauny from the Land of Lager.
The Brauny has shown great power from an early age. In fact being the warrior with the highest slugging percentage in his first year of battle (.634) He also shown good speed for such a powerful beast. Averaging 16 steals per year.
This season he has taken the early lead to kill and overtake the great Pujolsian and rule over Rotonasia. He is the number one ranked man of battle this year: .384/.489/.712, 7 HR, 18 RBI, 1 SB.
Brauny plans to finish the year ranked #1, rip the crown from Alberts head, and drink the finest ales in all of the land while doing it.
For the week: .483/.543/.862, 3 HR, 10 RBI, 9 R.
Other men may step up while others may fall. Will Longo the Dragon recover in time? Will Rodriguezel take more magical elixir? Will the Wizard Votto have enough magic to hit more than forty long balls?
Who will ultimately rule Rotonasia this year?
Pujolsian (30 votes)
Ramirezon (1 vote)
Tulo the Great (43 votes)
Brauny (29 votes)
This writer needs to get a life (50 votes)
153 total votes