Fantasy Twistory Lessons

I haven't read much Rick Reilly since he made the leap from SI's back page to ESPN.com.  However, I stumbled upon his brilliant Twistory Lessons the other day and it got me thinking about a fantasy version.  So I give you a blatently ripped off Twitter bit with a fantasy twist.

Fantasy Twistory Lessons - aka Fantasy Life Lessons in 140 characters or less

Dodgers Stadium is a pitchers park and I don't like the righty on righty matchup so I think I'll bench Tatis against Park tonight - 4/23/99

Esteban Loiaza for $2?  5.71 ERA and 87 Ks in 25 starts, I think you overpaid - 3/23/03

These starting pitchers are driving me crazy - 4/1-9/30 from 1875-eternity

Just sold high on Cliff Lee . . . can't believe I got Verlander for him.  Classic buy low/sell high.  What a sucker! - 4/25/08

Andruw Jones is due for a bounce back.  11th round?  I'll take him - 3/15/08

Emilio Bonawhatcio? - 3/19/09

Just drafted . . . love my pitching . . . Webb, Dice, Lester, Wang, and my super sleeper Carpenter.  Bullpen is Ryan, Motte, Street, and Morrow! - 3/30/09

My fantasy baseball league is with ESPN this year.  I hear they've made some big upgrades - 2/28/07

Tom Brady is a steal at the 6th pick . . . you guys are dead this year.  That Larry Johnson pick last year was just bad luck - 8/22/08

I don't trust Matt Forte.  Curtis Enis, Ced Benson and the rest of the Bears RB's have burned me before - 8/24/08

The NBA draft class was amazing this year.  I'm gonna pick at least 5 rooks starting with my boy, Marcus Fizer - 10/20/00

Bargnani's the next Nowitzki.  I'm gonna take him a round early - 10/22/06

Matthew Berry section - (Matthew, I kid because I care)

Bench Adrian Peterson, trust me the Chargers defense is tough against the run - 11/4/07

Michael Turner will finish with fewer than 1,000 yards rushing and seven touchdowns - 8/21/08

Erik Bedard is my number 1 fantasy starter this year - 3/21/08

Justin Verlander is my number 2 starter in the AL this year - 3/25/08

Feel free to submit your own Fantasy Twistory Lessons below